Halftime - Already?
If you read my previous posts, you will know that my belief in God and faith in Jesus Christ, especially through prayer and scripture, has evolved over a long period of time. I honestly believe now that the first 46 years of my life was simply training so that I would be equipped to handle this last 3 years of my life. This is a concept outlined by Bob Buford in his book "Halftime", which is a highly recommended read. The challenge with "Halftime" is nobody really knows when your lifes halftime is. For me, the reliance on prayer has been in my life for many years but hit a new high once Nancy was diagnosed and then even a new high when I was diagnosed.
11 For I know the plans that I [a]have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
Jeremiah 29:11-12
Diagnosed - Now What?
When I was first diagnosed, there was the normal reaction of panic and survival instincts tend to kick in. However, I did something that I would have not done years ago, I turned instantly to prayer and God. Special events happened those first few days when I found out about my diagnosis. I made the announcement during our normal Saturday night worship service. Our dear friend Paige Jones then made a simple announcement that a few ladies from their bible study group (Nancy's) were going to meet at the church on Sunday around 5:00 for a quick prayer for me. I was still in shock of the diagnosis but thought this was good. Then on Sunday around 4:55, Nancy said we need to go church and pray with Paige. What happened next completely shocked me. We had about 120+ people show up to pray. At this time, I had a very bad diagnosis from a doctor that had done the colonoscopy (or tried). I did not have a cancer doctor and was not in MD Anderson. So we prayed specifically that I could get into MDA as fast as possible and be surrounded by the best medical team out there. We prayed. The next day, our other dear friend Eileen called and was so excited because she had a way in for me at MDA. I had an appointment that week and was starting chemo within two weeks - which I think is a record for MDA. God heard our prayers and they were answered.
This was not a master plan on my part, but I know that having so many people show up for prayer and the fact the prayer was answered so quickly, just like we prayed, had an impact on me and my family but on everyone that was a part of that. I am thankful to Paige, Katrina, and others for taking the initiative to just pray.
Ephesians 6:18-19
18 With all prayer and petition [h]pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, [i]be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, 19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel,
I am so thankful for that Sunday prayer. I know getting in MDA as fast as I did was a great blessing and instantly added time to my time on earth.
I am so thankful for that Sunday prayer. I know getting in MDA as fast as I did was a great blessing and instantly added time to my time on earth.
Big Surgery - Now What?
My cancer treatment plan started out to be four chemo cycles, liver resection, four more chemo cycles, followed by six weeks radiation. Then I had my big surgery planned for December 20, 2011. This was my GI surgery where the primary tumor would be addressed and any other clean up performed. I would also have an ileostomy so that my colon could spend 6 - 12 months healing.
Early December, Nancy and I had a pre-opt meeting with Dr Skibber and he shared his opinion which really opened our eyes. His recommendation was that I postpone the surgery until January since this is would be more than likely my last Christmas with my family. I could not even think that way at that time and decided to proceed with the surgery on Dec 20th.
When explaining what would happen during the surgery, Dr Skibber thought it would be a 3-4 hour process and everything should go smoothly. Nancy asked if he would give an update halfway through and he said no. That his preference would be to just finish and then give an update to her and my mom. He did say if he had to give an update halfway through, then something is not going good.
The prayer itself was a spiritual moving experience that is very difficult to describe and words will not do it justice. We started out holding hands and having open prayer where people would just chime in with their desired prayer for me. My buddy Michael Williams then chimed in and that was kicked of a spiritual movement within our circle that is hard to explain. Steve O then suddenly chimed in with song that others followed. It was one of the most spiritually moving prayer experiences I have ever have. When you are moved to chills, tears, and a peace that is indescribable, then you have reached a point in prayer that is hard to reach. I wish I could bottle that night and open it whenever I needed - and I can through prayer.
The Big Surgery Day
The next day we were at MDA at 4:30 AM for op prep. It definitely did not go as planned. Since I was out of it, Nancy is the best person to convey exactly what happened (which means there are errors in my version - sorry Nancy!).
I think the problem started when Dr Skibber came out after 6 hours of surgery and looked horrible (sweaty, tired, etc..) and explained that they are not halfway done. He went on to explain that he found the most the cancer he had ever seen in his 25 years of surgery. The cancer had gone way beyond my colon and gotten into my apppendix, wrapped around my bladder, wrapped around my uretha (tube from kidney to bladder - ??), part of my spleen, and all over my pelvic cavity. He had to call in a special urologist to perform the surgery for the bladder and uretha or ureter. He said that the only good news was that the cancer he had seen and gotten out so far seem too be dead. This made for difficult removal since it had to be chisled out vs working with soft tissue. He then proceeded to go back into surgery.
I am so thankful to everyone that was with Nancy that day. Rules say no more than 4 people in waiting, but Nancy had 10-12 people with her and she needed them all. She did not take the surgery update well at all.
7-8 hours later, now 13-15 hours into what was suppose to be a 4-6 hour surgery, it was finally over. Dr Skibber was more optimistic when it was over than he was at the halfway point. This was because the cancer they cut out did appear to be dead. He cautioned us saying the real results will depend on the pathology reports. He took out over 30 lymph nodes and they needed to be tested for cancer.
About 3-4 days later, the pathology reports came back and all of the lymph nodes were clear. If cancer was going to kill me, it wouldn't be from the colon. It would be from the liver or some other part of my body where the cancer had spread to. Dr Skibber called the surgery something short of a miracle. He had never seen so much cancer and never seen so much dead cancer.
I am confident that the prayer service the night before killed that cancer. No doubt the clinical treatments - chemo and radiation - did their job, which I also give credit to God.
You probably will not get exactly what you ask for, but do not let that be a deterrent from praying. I have many more prayer experiences that I could share. The key point is that as short as my life may appear to be now, it is longer because of prayer. Or put another way, my life has been extended thanks to the conversations we have had with God.
Early December, Nancy and I had a pre-opt meeting with Dr Skibber and he shared his opinion which really opened our eyes. His recommendation was that I postpone the surgery until January since this is would be more than likely my last Christmas with my family. I could not even think that way at that time and decided to proceed with the surgery on Dec 20th.
When explaining what would happen during the surgery, Dr Skibber thought it would be a 3-4 hour process and everything should go smoothly. Nancy asked if he would give an update halfway through and he said no. That his preference would be to just finish and then give an update to her and my mom. He did say if he had to give an update halfway through, then something is not going good.
Big Prayer Night
The night before my big surgery, our small group decided to stop by the house for a quick prayer. I had to "prep" for the surgery so wasn't really wanting a lot of company, but felt this prayer was important. In addition to small group, we had a few additional friends and Steve O, our pastor, join us.The prayer itself was a spiritual moving experience that is very difficult to describe and words will not do it justice. We started out holding hands and having open prayer where people would just chime in with their desired prayer for me. My buddy Michael Williams then chimed in and that was kicked of a spiritual movement within our circle that is hard to explain. Steve O then suddenly chimed in with song that others followed. It was one of the most spiritually moving prayer experiences I have ever have. When you are moved to chills, tears, and a peace that is indescribable, then you have reached a point in prayer that is hard to reach. I wish I could bottle that night and open it whenever I needed - and I can through prayer.
The Big Surgery Day
The next day we were at MDA at 4:30 AM for op prep. It definitely did not go as planned. Since I was out of it, Nancy is the best person to convey exactly what happened (which means there are errors in my version - sorry Nancy!).
I think the problem started when Dr Skibber came out after 6 hours of surgery and looked horrible (sweaty, tired, etc..) and explained that they are not halfway done. He went on to explain that he found the most the cancer he had ever seen in his 25 years of surgery. The cancer had gone way beyond my colon and gotten into my apppendix, wrapped around my bladder, wrapped around my uretha (tube from kidney to bladder - ??), part of my spleen, and all over my pelvic cavity. He had to call in a special urologist to perform the surgery for the bladder and uretha or ureter. He said that the only good news was that the cancer he had seen and gotten out so far seem too be dead. This made for difficult removal since it had to be chisled out vs working with soft tissue. He then proceeded to go back into surgery.
I am so thankful to everyone that was with Nancy that day. Rules say no more than 4 people in waiting, but Nancy had 10-12 people with her and she needed them all. She did not take the surgery update well at all.
7-8 hours later, now 13-15 hours into what was suppose to be a 4-6 hour surgery, it was finally over. Dr Skibber was more optimistic when it was over than he was at the halfway point. This was because the cancer they cut out did appear to be dead. He cautioned us saying the real results will depend on the pathology reports. He took out over 30 lymph nodes and they needed to be tested for cancer.
About 3-4 days later, the pathology reports came back and all of the lymph nodes were clear. If cancer was going to kill me, it wouldn't be from the colon. It would be from the liver or some other part of my body where the cancer had spread to. Dr Skibber called the surgery something short of a miracle. He had never seen so much cancer and never seen so much dead cancer.
I am confident that the prayer service the night before killed that cancer. No doubt the clinical treatments - chemo and radiation - did their job, which I also give credit to God.
1 Thessalonians 5:15-19
15 See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. 16 Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 19 Do not quench the Spirit;
The More the Merrier
Another lesson I have learned along the way is that prayer is something meant to be shared. When God says in Matthew 18:20 For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst I believe he is talking about gathering in prayer as well as worship.
One advice I have shared often, before cancer, is be open with your prayers. I have found that people want to help and prayer is one way that they can. I have been completely overwhelmed by the response to prayer. I know that people all over the world, multiple church prayer lists, and thousands of people are and have prayed for me. God is in our midst and does listen.
I understand why people want to keep certain prayers private, but I would challenge anyone to try to be more open with prayer requests. The bigger the challenge, the bigger need for more people praying.
Power of Prayer
Prayer is a difficult and complicated topic. I think everyone wants prayer to be as simple as you make a request to God, he hears it, and does what you ask. It simply does not work that way. Prayer is our way to communicate directly with God. Like all communications, it is a two way street. God has a perspective that we cannot even comprehend. We have a very narrow view off the world that is time boxed by our life on earth. He has a giant perspective that extends to eternity.You probably will not get exactly what you ask for, but do not let that be a deterrent from praying. I have many more prayer experiences that I could share. The key point is that as short as my life may appear to be now, it is longer because of prayer. Or put another way, my life has been extended thanks to the conversations we have had with God.
Josh, you instruct me all to let my guard down in prayer, to prayer thoughtfully and in different ways, and to be confident that God is omnipresent. Thank you! Here is a very old prayer written by Blaise Pascal in the 1600s and is my prayer this morning for me and for you, Nancy and anyone else who may read these words:
ReplyDeleteO Lord, let me not henceforth desire health or life except to spend them for thee and with thee. Thou alone knowest what is good for me; do therefore what seemeth thee best. Give to me or take from me; conform my will to thine and grant that, with humble and perfect submission, and in holy confidence, I may receive the orders of thine external providence; and may equally adore all that comes to me from thee, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen