Having your final days spent with family and friends is really special. The conversations are stripped of all distractions of the real world. The conversations are focused on good times, fond memories, and just an outpouring of love that has always been there, but not necessarily expressed before.
Why Wait?
This got me thinking, why do we wait until it is almost too late, or until it is too late, to really express our love for one another? Specifically when failure to do so before is because of some silly dispute or the hangover of a bad decision that has long recovered. I have had to have conversations with friends and family members to reaffirm my love for them because I know there was doubt from my lack of action before. I have seen people drop little disputes that were causing big disruptions in friendships and family relations just because they now realize my cancer diagnosis changes things. It just seems to be easier to forgive, and to be forgiven, when a relative or loved one that is dying. No doubt when dealing with an issue that involves somebody dying puts all other issues into perspective and makes it easy to see that the initial dispute was just silly. But, why does it take the fear of death for us to see this?
No Need To Wait
I cannot speak for others, but only sharing my own thoughts and experiences here. I have found myself having many conversations with people very important to me about forgiveness and reinforcement of how much I loved them. I have confessed to mistakes I have made in the past and sought forgiveness from that person, making me a feel a bit like Earl off that TV show. These are to people who I have constantly told I love over the years but had to take it to the next level in the last month or so.
I was fortunate enough to spend the last four days of my father's life sitting by his bedside. He could barely speak those first couple of days and he spent most of the time seeking my forgiveness for things I didn't even realize was bothering him. He even told me I could change my name officially from Harold to Josh.
He was carrying a significant amount of guilt for the way that he raised me, which I have not spoken about too much. In a nutshell, he felt that he had to be pretty tough on me as a man. This meant I always had to work and always had to pay him for everything. In fact, when I told him Nancy and I were getting married, he gave me an invoice and said I owed him $3,400 in money he had loaned me over the years. So I had to pay him. While I felt anger at him when I was younger, I have long sense forgiven him and like the way he raised me. I learned key lessons from him that made me who I am today. A key lesson is that you will face bad situations in life and you will have to fight through it because taking care of your family will be your highest priority. So, having this conversation during his last days gave him relief but I had no anger towards him.
Upon reflection, these are all conversations that should have occurred way before our own passing has come to be known.
I was fortunate enough to spend the last four days of my father's life sitting by his bedside. He could barely speak those first couple of days and he spent most of the time seeking my forgiveness for things I didn't even realize was bothering him. He even told me I could change my name officially from Harold to Josh.
He was carrying a significant amount of guilt for the way that he raised me, which I have not spoken about too much. In a nutshell, he felt that he had to be pretty tough on me as a man. This meant I always had to work and always had to pay him for everything. In fact, when I told him Nancy and I were getting married, he gave me an invoice and said I owed him $3,400 in money he had loaned me over the years. So I had to pay him. While I felt anger at him when I was younger, I have long sense forgiven him and like the way he raised me. I learned key lessons from him that made me who I am today. A key lesson is that you will face bad situations in life and you will have to fight through it because taking care of your family will be your highest priority. So, having this conversation during his last days gave him relief but I had no anger towards him.
Upon reflection, these are all conversations that should have occurred way before our own passing has come to be known.
My Closing Prayer
Ephesians 4:25-26
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Wow! In my life, I have gone to bed angry and then kept that anger deep inside me for years. Many of the times the anger is directed at myself for something I did or didn't do. I know I am not alone in this and that almost every family has a situation where a dispute exists, or old friendships are damaged by something silly. I have spoke in the past of the dispute my father had with his best friend, Herb Stone, because my dad poured ketchup all over one of Herb's steaks. They didn't speak for years. Where is the peace, love, and joy in that?
My closing prayer is that we can all dig up those things that are causing us to keep going to bed with a little anger in us, that we can muster up the courage to have conversations of forgive and forgiveness to bury any disputes that are hanging over our lives, and that we all can have a clean conscious way before we enter our final days. This is extremely important because many will not have the benefit of an extended good by and may not have the opportunity to say "I am sorry" and "I love you".
Wow! In my life, I have gone to bed angry and then kept that anger deep inside me for years. Many of the times the anger is directed at myself for something I did or didn't do. I know I am not alone in this and that almost every family has a situation where a dispute exists, or old friendships are damaged by something silly. I have spoke in the past of the dispute my father had with his best friend, Herb Stone, because my dad poured ketchup all over one of Herb's steaks. They didn't speak for years. Where is the peace, love, and joy in that?
My closing prayer is that we can all dig up those things that are causing us to keep going to bed with a little anger in us, that we can muster up the courage to have conversations of forgive and forgiveness to bury any disputes that are hanging over our lives, and that we all can have a clean conscious way before we enter our final days. This is extremely important because many will not have the benefit of an extended good by and may not have the opportunity to say "I am sorry" and "I love you".
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