Why Brownwood

One day last summer  MD Anderson gave us the news that current medicine would not kill my cancer and that our best bet would be that chemo would extend my life.  It was that evening in June that I asked Nancy the question "If you had to raise Ross without me, where would you do it at?".  She didn't hesitate with her answer and quickly said Brownwood.  She had been thinking about it too.

It was extremely important to me that we make this big decision and do it.   Timing is perfect with Sarah going off to college and Ross starting 1st grade.  I also wanted to get all big decisions done and behind us so Nancy is not left with them when God decided to call me home.  We decided on Brownwood that evening in June, had the house on the market at end of July, sold in August, and moved in September.

Why Not Houston or Dallas?

While I thought Brownwood was the right answer, I did challange Nancy so that she was making it for all of the right reasons.  She could have said Houston.  We could move to a much cheaper house and neighborhood.  We had a HUGE support network and MD Anderson was very close.  

We ruled out MD Anderson as a factor since they would be fading out over time and hospice kicking in.  Although it would be an inconvenience, being treated from MDA via Brownwood has been manageable.  Besides, the decision was based on what is best long term for Nancy & Ross and not what is best short term for me.

Our support network and church was what made the decision most difficult.  We have so many great friends in Houston it was very hard to leave.  We have a strong network in Dallas as well with two sisters, cousin Troy, and many friends from living there so long.  Brownwood, Nancy had her family which was very important for us to be around.   Not only her parents, but also her sister LeeAnn and her husband Ray.  

God Definitely Went Ahead of Us

It took us several trips to find a house that we liked.   While we had the best realtor in Brownwood (Go Sheri Go!),  the house we purchased had just gone on the market by owner when we drove by it.  It was another semi-impulse buy in that I walked in and looked around and said "we'll take it".  Nancy panicked and said I needed to see all the rooms, which wasn't true.  We ended up buying this house and could not have made a better decision.

Not only is the house perfect, but the neighborhood is perfect.  The really surprising part is all of the people who have become part of my "Brownwood support group" live on the neighborhood.  We didn't find this out until after the support group part.   For example, our pastor lives 3-4 doors down from us.   And our pharmacist lives behind us.  Dr live 10 doors down.  Nancy's bibe study leader and good friend lives 2 doors the other direction.   And Ross has multiple kids to play with.  We can select the house to our liking but the neighborhood is just a God Blessing!

Just Another Part of God's Plan

Our move to Brownwood so quickly, finding the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood, and the fact that Ross has made the transition so easy is all signs  that this was just another part of God's plan for us.  

Deuteronomy 31:8

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

8 The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

  

Why Me?

You can say that in a way like it is an honor, or you can say it in a way that it is like a curse.  Hopefully, you all know by now I said it early in my diagnosis like it is a honor.  An honor that maybe only I can understand, but an honor nonetheless.

Reflecting upon my three year journey, it has been an honor.  My faith has grown tremendously and I have been able to share that faith directly and indirectly with you all.  

My Resources

I have turned and relied upon many different resources during this growth period.  The obvious and most used are those that we all have access to - God via prayer and scripture.  

Prayer

I made a commitment to prayer daily.  While I have kept that, I have to confess it wasn't always because of the commitment.  Some days it just turned out that way.  I made a commitment to ask for prayer, which is where FaceBook came in handy. I prayed for not only myself but for anybody who asked for prayer.  I feel strongly that is part of our job duties as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  Of course it requires the other party to be asking for prayer.  This is a topic I repeat a lot is the need to simply ask for prayer.  I still get the private messages requesting that I pray for a specific situation, which I am more than happy to.  But, if it is good enough for me to know about it then post it and let everyone know about it.  I believe the more the merrier when it comes to prayer, although I doubt that is really the case.   Two or more really makes a difference.  One praying makes a huge difference! 

Scripture

I also made a commitment to read more scripture.  I tend to find my self reading the same scripture over and over.  I am not sure this is a bad thing or not, but having structure to force me to read more scripture helps me. I have never read the entire Bible front to back.  Books in the Old Testament always slow me down. This is where iPad apps such as the Holy Bible app by LifeChurch.TV and accessible from the iPad Apple store comes in Handy.  Just search Holy Bible and you can find it (assuming you have an iPad).

There are also great references out there to a variety of great devotionals.  A few of my favorites include:

- Jesus Calling, a great devotional and book that there is an iPad app for

- In Touch Ministries from In Touch Ministries is another great devotional.  The iPad app is awesome because it is integrated with Bible Gateway.  Easy to flip from devotional to scripture and back.

Devotionals are good if you find yourself reading the same scripture over and over, like I tend to do.  

Speaking of other Resources, or Weapons for Battle

Books that I have relied upon during my journey also include

- A Resilient Life by Gordon MacDonald

- Spiritual Leadership by Blackabee

- Streams in the Desert, a very old devotional that is also very good

There are even certain internet sites I rely upon, primarily for reference and posting

- www.biblegateway.com

- www.FaceBook.com

- www.blogger.com - home of my blog site (google) 

The Ultimate Resource

The ultimate resource we have is God himself.  His Grace.  His everlasting life, His promise of something better beyond this earth.  After all of the scripture reading, after all the prayer, and using all of the resources at our disposal so that we can attempt to understand something we will never understand, it still comes down to God's will.   We have to totally surrender to His will. As my devotional in In Touch said a few days back

"If you want to experience victory in the conflict and tough decisions facing you, consider what Jesus did.  Before He got to the cross, the Lord fought a crucial, pivotal battle in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He wrestled with what lay ahead.... He went out to a peaceful and quiet place of prayer, where He got alone before the Father and cried out to Him.   When Jesus walked out of the garden, He walked out a winner."

   

Saying Goodbye

Sarah went back to Tulane on Friday.   We decided as a family that is the best thing for her to do.   Tulane volleyball has demonstrated nothing but love for Sarah and has given her a great deal of flexibility in her schedule.  As has her professors.  This flexibility will continue, so she can jump on SWA and be back to Brownwood in a snap when the appropriate time comes this summer.  However, it was still hard because it may have been the last time I will see her with a clear head on my part.

She has to start class on Monday for the second summer semester, which she is taking two classes and also kicks off their version of "volleyball spring training".   And it is time for her to keep living. 


While this post is about me having to say goodbye to good friends on an almost daily basis, I am not saying goodbye to everyone all at once.  I have more to write, more to say, and God is not quite done with me yet.

It was hard. 

Saying goodbye to your kids when they go off college is never easy.   It is extra complicated when you are in my condition.  Sarah and I did have great conversation and we are both at peace.  I am certain I will see her again, as I am everyone else one way or another.

Saying Good Bye to Friends

Saying goodbye to friends that we may not see this side of Glory has been difficult, on everyone.   We are all at peace but it is sad to say goodbye.  I am certain that Gods plan includes reconnecting all of us at some point on the other side of Glory. I am confident this will happen, especially after seeing how much time can pass on earth and yet we still connected with old friends and family.  

Focus on God's Plan

Saying goodbye for me has been one of those sad exercises where I still have to focus on God's plan and not mine.  Which is where I am now emotionally.   This is a big shift as well.  Before we had the MD Anderson safety net to fall back on if I needed medical attention.  Now that I know there is no medical attention that will help and there is no MDA safety net, all I have left is God's plan.  This is good enough for me because it is all I really had to begin with.

Hebrews 11:13-16 

New American Standard  Bible

¹³ All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14 For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. 15 And indeed if they had been [l]thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not [m]ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

You're Pregnant?????

Finding out that your wife is pregnant at the age of 45, and you are 42, is definitely a memorable moment.   I couldn't believe it.  Seriously.  I thought it was a cruel joke.  

The Bike Experience

Both Nancy and I were pretty active cyclist in 2006.  We both had nice road bikes that we road on a regular basis with local church friends and the local cycling club.  A 60 mile loop was the average because we could easily go 75 or 100 miles if we were feeling good.  This one particular day, we were all feeling good except for Nancy.   She kept stopping to throw up.  I couldn't believe it.  We were all giving her grief over her pre-ride meal which normally consisted of a pepper packed koloche of some type.  SO we were ride, let Nancy throw up, ride, and then let Nancy throw up.... pretty much all the way home.

The Test

Nancy said she felt really strange.  Strange enough to stop and buy a $1 pregnancy test.   Then she took it and it was positive for baby.  I came home 

to find her sitting on the couch crying and in a complete panic.  She was doing math calculations faster than Einstein and then break out in worries.  I was pretty excited.  Concerned about how this happened and wondering if the baby was going to look like the pool boy, but happy and excited.  

Call in the Troops

I called Nancy's best friend, Jenny Jarrell, for some comfort and to help me get Nancy back to earth.  I decided to get gas in the truck.  I filled up the truck at the local station and then drove off.   Only driving down the road I realized that I had the gas nozzle and hose dragging down the road with me.  I drove back to the station only to have the clerk say "Dude, you have a lot on your mind right now".   Man, did I need a paper clip!  

To Close

Ross' birth was so significant to us.  We really had no idea what God's plans were at the time but it is a lot clearer now.   I can't imagine going through what we are going through without Ross in our lives.   He is why we moved to Brownwood and is really what is keeping Nancy together.   His future is her future and we are so thankful for that.  Praise God.

Friendships Don't Expire

Friendships Don't Expire

What has been so surprising, in a very pleasant way is how many friends from the past have reached out to me.  This has given me so much opportunity to get caught up with good people, reflect on great memories, and just hear how good people have grown through their lives.

It has also proved that time does not really impact true friendships.  I have been requainted with friends I have known from all stages of my life. This includes since birth thruough our parents (49+ years). Friends I went to kindergarten and first grade with (42+ years).  Friends from Jr High and High School that I have not seen since graduation (30+ years).  Friends we met after marriage (28+ years).  

Then there is the special group of friends from Houston/CLPC who I have only known 13+ years, yet those are some of my closest friends since I have been around them so much.  They are also such an important part of my faith journey.  We shared so much of our life together during this time.  

I also have those friends that we just met since we moved to Brownwood.  I have only known Scotty Crawford for 7-8 months but it seams like my wholelife. 

FaceBook

Different media have contributed to this and I am grateful for that.  FaceBook has been a big positive for me in being connected to so many different people.  I have found and people have found me who I have not heard from in over 30 years.   This simply would not be possible had I not taken advantage of FB.  

I started using FB when Nancy was diagnosed with cancer.  We used it to keep friends and family updated on her status.  Then I used it to keep family updated on Sarah and Ross.  So it was naturally I keep using it after my diagnosis.   Then  I started using FB to keep up with prayer requests from others.

What a Blessing

Every conversation, email, text, visit, FB comment, FB message, and all other means of communiticating with these frieds (you all) have meant so much to me.  I am so grateful for the technology that enabled it but more importantly the compassion that prompted that friend to find me and drop me a note.  I am so grateful and everyone has just brightened my day and made this part of my journey a little easier.  Thank YOU so much for making the effort to friend me or text me whether it is once or constantly.  

Thank you again for your prayers and encouragement.  The number of people who, like me, topic of faith and God never came up in the past but now it does is quite refreshing.  Obviously we all have gone down our own faith journey. 

Sharing My Faith

I get a lot of compliments regarding the way that I am open and share my faith.  Sharing your faith is easy to do when surrounded by Christians.  Sharing your faith in a work or professional environment, or just in public, or at party with people you don't really know, and it is more challenging.  

Why is this?     

Fear of offending somebody.
Not being politically correct.
It's not a natural topic of conversation in most environments.
It's not a natural topic for most people to talk about.
Even the strongest Christians want actions to speak for their beliefs.
Strong feelings that their faith and beliefs are a private matter and not for others to know about. 

There are probably more, but the point is that it is difficult for people to share their faith.  

Where I Learned to Share My Faith

Robert Vaio was one of my closest friends. Robert was a Catholic and you knew this right away because he talked a lot about his family.  He and his kids went to all Catholic schools.  He was on the board at the local Catholic school in Houston that his son attended.  He was a very proud graduate of Notre Dame and still season ticket holder.  Saint somebody would be very proud of Robert. He didn't have to tell people he was a Christian.   It was pretty easy to figure it out after a five minute conversation. 

This was my first lesson in sharing my faith.   Roberts faith was so entrenched with his life that he could not separate the two if he wanted to.  When he spoke of what he did over the weekend, or plans coming up, or his family, or any topic - he had to mention Church and his Faith and God.  He did it in a way that was not offensive because he wasn't even asking about your belief or preaching  sermon to you.  He was just being honest by talking about his weekend or upcoming plans, they always talking about doing something with friends from church, small group, mens group, or some other connection. 

When Nancy and I were diagnosed with cancer, then Robert really started sharing his Catholic faith with me.  Not with then intention of trying to convert my Protestent beliefs but to share with me the reason for the things he was doing on my behalf.  Robert would provide and share certain Saints and explain why.  He would light candles for me at the great Cathederals of the world and explain why.  He would say certain prayers and go over with me the history of the prayers. 

Houston 

When we moved to Houston and started attending CLPC, and Saturday Night Alive, we soon surrounded ourselves by Christians who in hindsight were teaching me how to have conversations about my Faith in a safe environment.  They gave me the knowledge I needed to talk with confidence about God, Faith, Scripture, and Prayer.  When you combine knowledge, experience and confidence - then the ability to start sharing your faith increases dramatically.  

The Spot Light

Once people realize you are a "religious person" or Christian, then they will put you under a spot light and look for opportunities to make out to be a hyprocrit by waiting for you to mess up.   Nothing makes a non-believer happier than to see somebody who talks about their faith in a work environment and then does something that would be "non-Christian".  I like this personally.  Be vocal about your goals and the public will hold you accountable for reaching them. When people keep them a secret and you have nobody to hold you accountable. I feel the same way about my faith.   

However, if they know you are a Christian and then see you reinforce it with your actions, then you are even more comfortable sharing your faith and the sharing of your faith is more effective.

It's Our Job 

What makes it really easy for me to talk about my faith is that it is another job we have if we are truely believers in Jesus Christ and you follow scripture.   Then you have to follow the Great Commission.  

Matthew 28:18-20
NASB

18 And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 [a]Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.

This all begs the question, what is keeping more of us from being vocal about sharing out faith?  or What is it that we need to work on to enable us to share our Faith?  

The Attacks 

When sharing your faith, even as I do on FaceBook, I often get attacked via comments by the hater.  The person that is bitter and full anger towards God.  Best thing to do is to take the high road and pray for that person.  Pray for God to soften his heart.   I recommend a private prayer because a public prayer will just make them hate more.  Believe me, they are out there. 

To Close

Let's go make some disciples! 

The Great Outdoors

I realize that camping is not for everyone, but camping has aways been an important part of our family lives.  When thinking and talking about real fun times with the family, camping was always in the conversation.  

Father - Daughter 

When we first moved to Houston  Sarah was in kindergarten.  We joined the YMCA Indian Princess program.  This has since gone through several names trying to be politically correct but was Indian Princess when we joined.  The boys version was Indian Guides.  

While living in Riverside, CA when I was also in kindergarten, my dad and I joined Indian Guides.  I remember vivdly on great campout up in Big Bear.  It is the only camp out I remember but it was a good one.  At least it had a positive impact on me. 

In Houston Sarah and I were assigned an outstanding tribe and it is where I met Mike O'Bert, who has gone on to be one of my closest friends.  We had a bunch of good dad's and daughters in our tribe.  Most had experience which made for great campouts. Most importantly,  Sarah has great memories of the three years we spent camping together.  What made it great in addition to the people, was that we never let the weather get us down.  We camped below freezing (thank you space heater!), camped in pouring rain (thank you Walmart rain pancho), and never let the weather stop us.

Our tribe was also filled with NASA folks except for Mike and I.  This meant we always had a MacGyver type engineering project going on.  I was commuting to/from Angola and other guys in the tribe were doing space walks.  We always wanted to hear about the other guys trip.

The Pop-Ups 

I grew up with a pop-up that we took frequently to Inks Lake State Park or Gardner State Park growing up.  I was keen to replicate the same experience for my family.  Our first pop-up was called the Leaky Tiki.  It was old and tiny.  We fixed up the interior real nice and took it on a 3 week camping trip up through Colorado, Yellowstone & Grand Tetons, and then South Dakota.  While this was another great memorable trip, it pretty much was a test of the Leaky Tiki.  The result was Nancy's need for a bigger pop-up with an indoor bathroom.  

The Taj Majal.  We ended up giving the Leaky Tiki to a good friend at church, who still uses it today.  The pop-up we ended up buying was a brand new Forest River top of the line over the top pop-up.   This thing was fully loaded.   Nancy had her indoor bathroom with hardsides.  Everyone had their own bed, and big beds at that.  It folded out to be about 30' long and 20' wide with the slide outs.  It was really nice.

We now have the pop-up for sale, and it is in great shape.  Let us know if you want the world's biggest pop-up.  

Lake Livingston 

Our favorite place to take the pop-up and the boat was Lake Livingston.  We found a great little cove with a fantastic RV resort that was small and sites directy on the water.  While we didn't make as many trips as we had hoped, we did have a great summer!  Tubing, anchoring in private coves with high bluffs, turning on good tunes, and just diving off the boat and floating with refreshments.  Everyone having a good time.  

State Parks

Texas has great state parks and Houston is well located to access several of the nice ones.  Another favorite is Village Creek State Park.  This is on the river with huge white sand bars.  Canoe trips down the river that end up at the state park are awesome and memorable.  

Cancer really interfered with our camping and boating plans.  Nancy was diagnosed about a year after we purchased the boat and we had the Taj Majal pop-up for just a few years.  We may not had made as many camping trips as we had planned with the boat, we sure had a great time on the trips we did make.

Chain-o-Lakes

When we weren't camping in the pop-up or tents, we did a lot of staying in cabins.  Our favorite place is Chain-o-Lakes where they built cabins above a network of small lakes filled with alligators.  This is a great place to spend a weekend.  They have a great swimming hole away from the alligators but kayaking and canoeing around the alligators is always fun.  We fed them big marshmillows so we were buds and nobody was ever attacked by alligator.  We also had some racoons come on our porch and get a bag of oreos and ate only the middles.  We know that could of been a great comercial if we would of had that on camera.  Also one trip a Dad and I took the kids and we let them do the water slide in 40 degree weather.  That's why Moms weren't allowed sometimes.  

Clear Lake

Living in Clear Lake is a awesome too, especially for kayaking around Armoud Bayou.  People come all over south texas to kayak Armound Bayou.  Feels like you are in a different place when you get up there and see the wild life and birds.  Buying two sit on top kayaks, with original intentions to fish out of them, was a great move.  We still have the kayaks and should get use out of them when Ross gets older.

Ross Camping 

Although I was diagnosed with cancer and taking treatments, I did manage to get Ross out on a few father-son camping trips.  We went old school and busted out the tent.  The most memorable was the father-son camp out we did with a few guys from church.  It was a great time that Ross still talks about. 

It was pretty close to after the passing of my great friend Robert Vaio and I was able to take his son with us.  His son, John Roberts, had a great time.  He is a year older than Ross and I hope they can continue their friendship from afar - and I am sure they can.  We also did a couple of family camps in the pop up at Robert Dies National park on Lake Conroe.  The last trip was interesting because I blew out all water devices in the Taj Majal, but had Court Edmonson and Todd Draper on hand so all got fixed! 

Wrapping It Up

I am so thankful that not only do we all have great family memories of all of us camping, but Sarah has the love of the outdoors, camping, hiking, kayaking, and just enjoying getting out to enjoy nature.  Some of her achievements that I am so proud of is the hard core hiking trips she has taken with the Swindlers.   She has done three 4-6 night hiking trips through the Rockies.  They were all carry in/carry out with what is on your back.  They were also brutal and physically enduring.  She loved them and is anxious to do more.  Her other passion is kayaking.  I am confident that these passions will stay with her, or as least as long as she drives a Jeep.

Good times.  

Trusting in God's Plan

Trusting in God's plan is real easy to do, until that plan includes dying.  Then it becomes a real test but can be passed.   The truth is, as I have mentioned several times before is that nobody survives life and we all need to accept the fact that death is always part of God's big plan for us.  We just need to remember so is God providing us something better.  

When I was diagonsed in Feb 2011 I had two big fears hit me.  The first was about dieing.  The second was Nancy's ability to financially survive after I passed.  I soon realized I couldn't resolve one without the other. 

Accepting death is the first action to take when diagnosed with cancer.  Once you accept the fact that nobody survives life and that cancer can easily kill you, then the fear goes away.  At least my fear went away.  Once you have no fear, you can think clearly and make other decisions without emotions, or as many as if you don't accept death. 

Not a Give Up, but a Test in Faith 

Acceptance of death is not a give up statement.  I still want to and have always rather than live than die this young.  However, I have faith in God and that faith trumps all.   As I have quoted before:

Hebrews 11
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
The Triumphs of Faith

11 Now faith is the [a]assurance of things [b]hoped for, the [c]conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the men of old [d]gained approval.

3 By faith we understand that the [e]worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.

Then Hebrews 11 closes by saying 

39 And all these, having [f]gained approval through their faith, did not receive [g]what was promised, 40 because God had [h]provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect.

I believe that God has provided something better for us upon us leaving this earth.   It is sad and hard on survivors, and on me too when I start dwelling on things I will miss with Ross.  I have no idea or preconceived notions about what life after death is like.  I know God says it's better and that is good enough for me.  So no fear here! 

If you struggle with this basic belief of Christianity, then you will struggle getting over the fear of death and we are back to where we started.   

Now No Fear - Now What?

The more fears you can elminate in your mind, the more room you can make for joy, peace, and happiness.  Once I eliminated fear of dieing by acceptance of death thanks to Faith in God, I was able to take care of the practical and pragmatic stuff that was bothering with Nancy and future finances - no worries there anymore either.  

I had other fears that I was also able to knock down through Faith in God.   There is a fine line, if any line, between Faith and Trust.  Normally in "trusting situation" physical evidence surfaces to prove a truth.   In a "Faith situation", no physical evidence may ever surface, which is ok too.  

I quickly put trust into the hands of those people that God put around me, which is another common theme in all that write and say.  At work, I delegated everything to Bryan Wall and the rest of my leadership team - even Mike Lewsley. Work has worked out perfectly during my 3 year journey and it has opened the doors for others like Bryan.  He earned it.  

I trust my medical team and never doubted them.  Given my prognosis in Feb 2011, I exceeded their expectations and that is a good thing!  I credit my medical team for dealing with the all of the clinical side of treating my cancer.  

Most importantly, I believe and have trust in the prayers you all have constantly provided.  

God Keeps Providing

As I keep mentioning, despite the situatiion I am in, and the fact that it gets physically worse and not better - God still provides.  He never stops providing .  He continues to provide blessings to us on a daily basis in ways we could not have dreamed of.   So grateful to God for that.   Your prayers are being heard and things do change. 

Accept death by accepting faith in God's enternal mercy and that He has something better for us.   Then fears wil go away.  Unfortunately sadness and grief are just part of the process and must be dealt with - but  we all can do that! 

Genesis 50:20-21

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about [a]this present result, to preserve many people alive. 21 So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke [b]kindly to them.

Small Groups and Xmas Parties

Starting around 2003, we always hosted either a Christmas or New Years Eve party for our small group.  These were some of the best parties I ever attended, much less hosted. 

I am not just saying this because we were the host.  Actually, the reason for hosting them to begin with is pretty funny.   We knew nobody in Houston outside of church and didn't get invited into any Christmas parties other than work.  We also had a house that was perfect for a Christmas party.  So we started hosting our own.  Since all we knew were our friends from Church, we started out with just our small group and it grew from there.  

What made the parties so special and memorable is that it was the people that attended.  We really had two small groups were were a part of back then.   We attended a class called Saturday Night Alive that the McGregors led.  This was about 4-5 couples.  Then we had formed a formal small group with another 4-5 couples in the small group that met on Sunday evenings.  Then we had a few other special friends that were added. 

The Parties

The parties themselves were just perfect because it was never over indulgence in anything.  Everyone brought something to eat (aka pot luck kind of dinner) although we normally had a theme.   Everyone brought an elephant christmas gift so we could exchange goofy presents.   When possible, we combined with special events such as Jimmy's and Mike Jarrell's 50th birthdays.  

We didn't ban alcohol and everyone brought something.  We normally served margarita's, but everyone kept drinking in check.   We even stuck with old time Christmas music.  They were just a really good time and I have so many fond and funny memories of the gift exchanges.  I still have some of the gifts of some strange reason.  

At the end of the evening, and even the New Years Eve party ended on east coast time, everyone would chip and pitch in to clean.  For some strange reason, our house always ended up cleaner when it was over than before we started.  If you ever attended one of our Christmas and New Years Eve parties, then I want to say a big Thank You!  Those were good wholesome times never to be forgotten. 

Small Groups

I realize not all churches have small group programs, but my simple definition of a small group is group of people who are committed to meet on a regular basis to work together to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.  Joining a small group and sticking with it for over 8-9 years was one of the best decisions we made.  

Our small group has evolved over the years.  It continues today, but we have moved to Brownwood.   What makes small groups so special is that you have a group of people that you share and experience life with.   We reflect back on what all our small group has gone through and it includes it all - new births, death, kids go off the deep end, kids come back from the deep end, etc.. It is a way people who don't know each other that well, if at all, and become life long friends.  Small groups are like other things in life.  You will get out of them what you put into them.

A few keys to success for small groups that we experienced are:

• Commitment - We all met every other week when we started because we were convinced we were too busy to meet ever week.  After a year, we found ourselves skipping a session here and there.  The final answer was to recommitment ourselves to the small group and meet every week.
• Leader - Need a group leader that will keep it together and keep things going.  We actually rotate leaders and different people lead the specific weeks discussion. 
• God Centered.  Discussion topics varied over the years.  Sometimes we picked a book to read and study.  Other times we used a study guide provided by the church where the study matched the current sermon series. What they had in common is that every discussion is centered on God and focused on drawing us closer to God.

What is funny is that most small groups meet in peoples homes.  They normally rotate host homes. We had to meet at CLPC to take advantage of baby sitting provided for Ross.   Turn out it had no impact on the quality of our small group discussions.  Homes may be preferred, but we proved it doesn't make the discussion any better or worse. 

Just Another Step in Your Faith Journey

If you and your family are going to church on a regular basis and want to take the next step, you should consider starting and committing to a small group.  You will make friends for life, get closer to God, and expand in ways you never thought possible.  At least this has been our experience and we are so grateful to everyone we have been in a small group with, which is too numerous to lists.   

  

Forgiveness

I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, encouragement, and genuine love expressed by so many.  How your feelings get expressed - e-mail, text, FB, messages, comments, and visits - isn't as important as the fact that you all are doing it and I hear you and love you all for that.  

Having your final days spent with family and friends is really special.  The conversations are stripped of all distractions of the real world.  The conversations are focused on good times, fond memories, and just an outpouring of love that has always been there, but not necessarily expressed before.

Why Wait?

This got me thinking, why do we wait until it is almost too late, or until it is too late, to really express our love for one another?  Specifically when failure to do so before is because of some silly dispute or the hangover of a bad decision that has long recovered.   I have had to have conversations with friends and family members to reaffirm my love for them because I know there was doubt from my lack of action before.  I have seen people drop little disputes that were causing big disruptions in friendships and family relations just because they now realize my cancer diagnosis changes things.  It just seems to be easier to forgive, and to be forgiven, when a relative or loved one that is dying.  No doubt when dealing with an issue that involves somebody dying puts all other issues into perspective and makes it easy to see that the initial dispute was just silly.  But, why does it take the fear of death for us to see this?

No Need To Wait

I cannot speak for others, but only sharing my own thoughts and experiences here.   I have found myself having many conversations with people very important to me about forgiveness and reinforcement of how much I loved them.  I have confessed to mistakes I have made in the past and sought forgiveness from that person, making me a feel a bit like Earl off that TV show.  These are to people who I have constantly told I love over the years but had to take it to the next level in the last month or so. 

I was fortunate enough to spend the last four days of my father's life sitting by his bedside.  He could barely speak those first couple of days and he spent most of the time seeking my forgiveness for things I didn't even realize was bothering him.  He even told me I could change my name officially from Harold to Josh.  

He was carrying a significant amount of guilt for the way that he raised me, which I have not spoken about too much.  In a nutshell, he felt that he had to be pretty tough on me as a man.   This meant I always had to work and always had to pay him for everything.  In fact, when I told him Nancy and I were getting married, he gave me an invoice and said I owed him $3,400 in money he had loaned me over the years.  So I had to pay him.  While I felt anger at him when I was younger, I have long sense forgiven him and like the way he raised me.  I learned key lessons from him that made me who I am today.  A key lesson is that you will face bad situations in life and you will have to fight through it because taking care of your family will be your highest priority. So, having this conversation during his last days gave him relief but I had no anger towards him.

Upon reflection, these are all conversations that should have occurred way before our own passing has come to be known.  

My Closing Prayer 

Ephesians 4:25-26

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

Wow!  In my life, I have gone to bed angry and then kept that anger deep inside me for years.   Many of the times the anger is directed at myself for something I did or didn't do.  I know I am not alone in this and that almost every family has a situation where a dispute exists, or old friendships are damaged by something silly.  I have spoke in the past of the dispute my father had with his best friend, Herb Stone, because my dad poured ketchup all over one of Herb's steaks.  They didn't speak for years.  Where is the peace, love, and joy in that?

My closing prayer is that we can all dig up those things that are causing us to keep going to bed with a little anger in us, that we can muster up the courage to have conversations of forgive and forgiveness to bury any disputes that are hanging over our lives, and that we all can have a clean conscious way before we enter our final days.  This is extremely important because many will not have the benefit of an extended good by and may not have the opportunity to say "I am sorry" and "I love you".   

The Key(s) To Successful Honeymoon

Like the rest of our life, our wedding and honeymoon was not even close to "normal".  As I have mentioned, I quit my job in San Angelo on Saturday, married in Brownwood on Sunday, honeymoon on Monday, and new job in Round Rock on Tuesday.  This post is about the wedding night at the Hyatt in Austin on Sunday night and what came out of it.  Hey now! It's a clean post.  

What Really Happened 

Although we were only staying one night, my mom apparently went to great lengths to set us up in the honeymoon suite at the Hyatt Regency in Austin.  I had stayed at the Hyatt on Riverside & Congress, right on Town Lake, and it was a special place for us. 

When we checked in, we were handed the key and the front desk clerk said congratulations on the marriage since we had the honeymoon suite.  We knew were in the right place.  When we got to the room, we noticed something a little strange.  It was a relatively small room with only a bed and maybe a dresser or something.  Not much to it.  Nancy and I didn't really care and had a nice night.  

Then about 6:30 AM, we both kind of jumped out of bed when we noticed the cleaning lady was in the room vacuuming the carpet.  I guess she didn't even see us or realize the room was occupied.  She soon realized her mistake and apologized the best she could.  

Nancy and I had plans on spending our "honey moon day" in San Antonio anyway, so we just got up and hit the road for San Antonio.  San Antonio has always been another special place for Nancy and I.  Especially the margarita's at Ole Casa on the river walk.  

What Should Have Happened 

The following week we were getting caught up with my mom and she asked how the room was at the Hyatt.   Nancy and I laughed and told her it was nice and how appreciative we were but it was small and our wake up call was the maid and her vacuum.  This really made my mom mad.  When my mom gets mad, it normally means that somebody is going to get a letter.   

Turns out that we should have gotten a very large suite that consisted of multiple rooms, champaign and flowers and candies all set up that night, and a nice breakfast served in our room at our desired time the next morning.  All that sounded good but was not even close to what had happened. 

My mom did write a letter to somebody at the top of Hyatt command chain to let them know they ruined my wedding night.  This definitely caught the attention of somebody at Hyatt because we promptly received a phone call from a high ranking person who could not apologize enough.  He offered us the same suite with correct room this time any weekend of the year of our choice.  

What We Did With Our 2nd Chance

July 4th was quickly coming up and that is a really big deal in Austin and the Hyatt.  Fireworks always shot over Town Lake downtown and the Hyatt used to be the hub of the party.  They also had a concert series going on those days over the 4th of July.   Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jerry Jeff Walker, Joe Ely, and other great Austin singers always put on great shows on stages up and down Town Lake. 

We then requested the 4th of July as our "free weekend".  I realize this was not the weekend he was hoping for, but he honored it.  Checking in was funny because they gave us the same strange key and we just looked at each other.  Then she said the magic words, "Here are your other keys".  Ahhhh the other keys.  Never got those before. 

We then had a huge party at the Hyatt with a lot of friends.  Turns out we had the same bedroom but they had failed to give us the keys to the other two adjoining rooms that contained the living areas.  The Hyatt served us great champaign and candies and other stuff.  We had people coming and going from the various music stages. One of the bands playing was the Beach Boys.  Since they were closest to the Hyatt, we found an open gate near the back of the stage and went on in.  As soon as we got there, they started launching fireworks right over our heads. We laid down on the grass since this was apparently an "off limits area".  It was awesome!  Lying on the grass with huge fireworks over our head and Beach Boys blasting away.  It was seriously a better use of the entire suite than our honeymoon night - which was fine. 

Moral of this Post

No real point other than it is a very fond memory and great example of how to make something out of nothing as long as you write a letter.   

Advice to 35 Year Old Josh

A few people have asked what advice I would give myself now if I could talk to myself back when I was 35.   Interesting question.   Not sure the answer will be as interesting as the question. 

The first obvious advice is to get a colonoscopy at any sign of colon cancer, regardless of what doctors are saying.  I had blood in my stool starting in my 30's and went to the doctor several times about it.   They were pretty persistent that it was never related to cancer.  They always related it to hemorrhoids or a fizzier (tear).  Especially since I was under 50 and had no family history of colon cancer.  While they were probably right with the those early symptoms, at some point it was cancer.   Had they performed a colonoscopy at the right time, we would have caught this horrible disease and I would not be in the position I am in. 

Advice for you all:  If you have any symptoms of colon cancer, insist on a colonoscopy.   If you have a family history of cancer, then you need to get screened 10 years before the age your family member was when they were diagnosed.  Since I was 46 when I was diagnosed with colon cancer, Sarah and Ross need to start getting colonoscopies regularly when they are 36. 

My next advice for myself would be to get good life insurance beyond work group policies, and to take full advantage of any work group life insurance (i.e. buy up additional coverage if you can).   When I was 35, worrying about how Nancy and Sarah would provide for themselves in case I died was not at the top of mind and thus my actions. I am fortunate that I did think of it in time, but I had a few risky years there.  This advice is especially true for anybody with a family who depends on your income for survival.  

Get your estate in order, and keep it that way.  It has only been in the last three years that we have taken steps that we should have taken a long time ago. Everyone should have their Will & Testament, Medical Power of Attorney, Power of Attorney, and Advance Directives written by an attorney with copies stored in their proper place (safety deposit box/safe, with attorney office, with witnesses and others in the document, etc).   Pre-purchasing a burial plot and funeral stuff.  This can be put off a little when you decided where you want to buried, but no need put it off or to put it off on your survivor to decide.  They will have enough on their plate. 

Find God.  Everyone has their own faith journey and will find God at their own pace.  However, if I was giving advice to myself at 35 I would try to find a way to expedite my faith journey so that I can get to where I am now a little faster than I did.  Not sure how to do that, but I am sure a smart 35 year old can figure it out.  Definitely getting more involved in service activities and realization that Kingdom of God is in the here and now as well as in Heaven.  

Take the Finances More Serious.  When I was in mid-30's, I had the same attitude as I did in the 20's thinking there would always be time to save money.  I would coach myself to still live life with a large dose of spontaneity but also make sure and set aside a little more money to tithe and invest for the future.  

Add a Little Spontaneity to Life.  Ok, this is advice I took in my mid-30's that I did take vs advice I would go back and give myself.   We always lived our live making impulse decisions, including purchasing big ticket items.   Not very smart to do that.  However, doing things like last minute vacations with no real schedules - definitely do that!  I am firmly against too much organization in life that you fail to live.  Of course there is a line somewhere between too little organization and just being stupid.  I am sure I crossed that line a few times. 

The best advice I would give my 35 year old self would be to read more scripture so you can get advice like this gold nugget: 

Matthew 6:33-34

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

33 But [a]seek first [b]His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be [c]added to you.  34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will [d]care for itself. [e]Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Few Life Lessons From My Unique Career

I am kind of like the Forest Gump of the business world in that I have beeb able to see and experience so much.  I know most of us are like this as well.  I just have had more time to reflect upon my career and the experiences I have had.

Lumber 

I started working in lumber when I was about 14 years old.  This was because one of the local lumber companies in San Angelo (Bowmans) was managed by our neighbor (Mr Woods).  My dad cut a deal with him to put me to work.  I remember it sucked because I couldn't drive a forklift until I was 16 but I could drive my truck to work because I had a hardship drivers license.   This is given to farm boys to allow them to drive before the age of 16 to help with work. 

Bowmans was awesome.  My sr year in high school, I took the class kids took when they didn't anticipate going to college but just going to work.  This allowed me to take just one real class at Central High and work full time at Bowmans during my Sr year. This decision allowed me to meet a complete new circle of friends there that impacted my life - including Nancy via Julianne.  Most of the young people working there all went to ASU, and then me - the high school kid.

Then the new lumber yard came to town and several of us jumped ship and joined the team at Alwoods.  I had a different group of friends at Alwoods and ended up becoming great friends with Troy Hale, who went on to marry my sister Valerie. 

As I mentioned in previous posts, Nancy and I were married and immediately moved to Round Rock where I eventually ended working at McCoy's Lumber Yard in Georgetown, Texas.   Stan Burch, who I was fortunate enough to reconnect with last week, ran a great store and was a blast to work with. Great memories. 

I always had my sites set on graduating from college and joining the professional ranks in the IT world and eventually left McCoys to go to work directly for EDS. Upon reflection, had I just stayed in the lumber yard business I think happiness would have come quicker.   I really enjoyed that life style and have nothing about respect for anybody that has a job that helps the world go around.  Not all jobs need to be fancy, exotic locations, full of worldly travel, and big bucks.  There is a costs of happiness and peace that goes along with all of that.   I have experienced both sides of the fence and the grass isn't greener one one side vs the other. 

I did not follow the typical process joining EDS either.  Nancy and I had a mutual friend, Mug, who was working 2nd shift at First City National Bank monitoring networks and ATMs.  They had an opening and he strongly encouraged me to apply and greased the skids for me.  I completed the First City application and took it down to First City.  Then I found out they had just signed a contract to outsource all IT to EDS.  I was suddenly an EDS employee and my new EDS managers didn't know what I was suppose to be doing because it was their first day too.  

Upon college graduation, I didn't apply anywhere or interview with anyone.  I just went to work full time for EDS.  This caused a few issues with pay and I could have made A LOT more money directly out of college had I gone a traditional route, but what fun is that?  

EDS master plan was to shut down Austin as an IT data center and consolidate to either Houston or Dallas.  I was put on the data center migration team and actually had a lot of fun.  This was also a time when several small banks in central and south Texas were being shut down by the Fed.   One of my dirt jobs with EDS was having to go to these small banks and tag our equipment before the Feds came in and took it during the shut down process.  I had to keep it all a secret but people soon figured it out.  I would walk in a small bank from EDS and somebody would shout "We are getting shut down by the Feds!".  

Lesson #1 (In no particular order):  You never know what opportunities you will be exposed to, or see others have access to.  

In the mid-80's while at EDS, we found out that we were working ourselves out of a job in Austin.  We all started looking for other jobs we could take just stay in Austin.  EDS had warned us that when our project was complete, we would have to move to Houston or Dallas.  Several of the folks found a job working a relatively small company there in Austin call Dell.  I told them they were nuts working for a hardware company started by a kid who dropped out of UT.   I may have mis-judged that opportunity.  Those people that I know went to work for Dell in the mid-80s had a pretty good career.  I owe Michael Dell an apology for even thinking he was silly and sharing that opinions with others.  

Then while at EDS in Plano, I had a good friend and colleague that worked for me.  One day Mark Y came by office to explain he was resigning to take a new job for a start-up.  He was really trying to encourage me to come talk to them as well and indicated he had conversations with them about me and had it all tee'd up.   I let him know that I had a new baby at home and that leaving an established firm like EDS for a start-up was not something I was interested in.   He left EDS and went to work for audio.net .  This was a start-up founded by Mark Cuban and went on to be broadvision.com and then sold to Yahoo for billions.  Mark Y retired again while in his 30's.   Probably mis-judged that one as well.  I now think Mark Cuban knew what he was doing and Mark Y was a pretty good judge of character to follow him.    

Lesson #2 - You Never Know What You Will Find Yourself Caught Up In 

In 2001, I was working for a software company called I2 in Dallas.   I was working with Arthur Anderson Business Consulting out of Houston in setting up an Oil & Gas Supply Chain practice based on our software.  One night in Houston, I was corned over a nice dinner by a few partners from AABC who convinced me that I was meant to be a consultant for a consulting firm vs working for software company.  That software companies come and go.  AABC was celebrating 99 years and getting ready for 100 years.  They offered a compelling package so we I quit i2 and moved my family to Houston to join AABC in Sept 2001.  In November 2001 (or there abouts) the news about the AABC and Enron scandal was all over the news.  I personally wsa not involved in Enron at all.  However, everyone that was came out of the same Houston office and it was a difficult situation to go through.  Especially when it caused the collapse of the entire company and 88,000 great people had to seek new employment because the mistakes for a few.   

I have all kinds of view on Enron and certain a few AABC folks lied to somebody during the process and deserved the punishment they received.  However, to shut down a company with over 88,000 people with the highest integrity was not necessary.   The behavior I saw from the Justice Department gave me a jaded view of that part of our government.  Same with the media.  Knowing what was really going on and then reading what media said was happening was difficult.  Made me really distrust the media, and that distrust continues today after further experiences.  

Double lesson:  You never know what you will be involved in but don't be on of those few that impact the lives of thousands due to your stupid actions.   Integrity can help everyone and lack of it can hurt everyone, eventually. 

Lesson #3:  Canadians and Europeans are Good People

I currently work for CGI and could not happier.   We are a very large systems integrator (consulting, systems integration, outsourcing, business proces outsourcing) with over 70k employees.  I ran their oil & gas business sector.  

I was working for Logica, where I was CEO of Logica North America, prior to being acquired by CGI in August 2012.  I have to give credit to both the old executive at Logica and the new team at CGI for treating me so well and doing so much for me during my journey.  I have been so blessed to work directly for great people and surrounded by unbelievabe co-workers who have also been there for me.   I am not sure all companies would react the way CGI has acted for me, but that is a great prayer to pass along.  

Lesson #4:  Don't Believe Everything the Media Reports

The reason I mention CGI now is that most people had not heard of CGI until all of the news came out about how messed up healthcare.gov is.   Yes, that is the CGI I work for .   The one that was constantly being thrown under the bus by the media for healthcare.gov failures.  I can't, even if I wanted to, use the blog to get into any details about that other than to say it was another part of the business that I was not involved with and don't believe everything the media says (true with Enron as well).  

Lesson #5:  Focus on Helping Others Succeed and Your Success Will Follow

This is probably the most important lesson from my career.  The more you can put the needs of your co-workers, workers clients, and even the execs you work for ahead of your personal needs - the greater success you personally will have.  

A tangible example is when I was in sales and quit worrying about how big the size of commission check would be and started focusing on how many people could I put to work and what type of succes could I generate for my client. 

I had two big operating mantra's at work.  

#1 - Never Let A Colleague Fail 

#2 - Never Let A Client Fail

In fact, I tried hard to recognize and reward people who demonstrated these at work.  For whatever reason, I elected to say "never let them fail" instead of "always make sure they are successful".  First time that I have ever taken a glass half empty approach - ha.  

In Closing

That's enough for a blog, but let's just say that my career has not been boring.   I have the opportunity to travel to great places to work from exotic locations, hang out with truly fantastic people, and accomplish some pretty interesting projects for a lot of great clients.  Most importantly I have always enjoyed what I do, proud of who I did it for and accomplished.