Fisher of Fish and Men

Well, I didn't get to fly fish in Yellowstone, but I have had some outstanding fishing experiences in my life.  They are not necessarily exotic (except maybe Angola) but they are memorable because of the people I was with and the experience of it all.  Fishing, like most experiences, is really never about the fish - unless you are ML Morrow.  Then it is always about the fish and that is ok too.  

Fishing with dad and the Stones on Lake Buchannon 

Herb Stone was my dad's best friend.  They were pilots together in the airport, had their kids born together in Salina, Kansas, and continued to be best of friends after retirement.  They did have a two year feud because my dad put ketchup on Herb's steaks one night - but other than that, they were the best of friends.  

They fished a lot together, all over the world when they were in the military.  My dad even owned an old aluminum fishing boat.  He eventually sold it, to Herb.  Herb and his boys, Walter-Lee-Harold & Barry, continued to fish out that boat until it was at least 40 years old.  

When I was in my teens,  my dad and I started meeting Herb and the twins (Harold & Barry) at a little town on Lake Buchannon called Tow.  There was awesome little fishing place that had these one room cabins (kitchen, living, and beds all in one room).  Also had nice boat docks with lots of lights so you can dock fish all night long.  My dad and Uncle Herb (which is what I called him although we were not really related, he and my dad were that close) were very competitive with their fishing.  

One day, Herb & the twins were fishing with minnows in a little cove on Lake Buchannon.  My dad and I were in our boat and started trolling with lures.   We trolled right by Herb and presto - I caught a fish.   My dad was so excited.   We were making another trip around that cove and then when we got close to Herb's boat, my dad said "get that fish you caught and put it back on the hook and let's catch it again".  So I did.   We were very precise to catch the same fish again once in front of Herb.   We did this until that fish was beyond dead and had fallen apart.   Pretty soon Herb and several other boats were following us.   When we finally got to the dock, Herb wanted to see all of our fish.  My dad's response was "catch & release"!   At night, my dad love to eat sardines and vienna sausages with a beer.  Herb's payback was replacing a few sardines with minnows.  My dad never noticed.   That was a great fishing trip. 

Fishing in Angola

The only time off we got in Angola was Sunday afternoon.   I was able to talk my way on to the fishing crew.  This was a select group of guys that would take a supply boat (about 70' long and diesel boat that had a long flat back used to take supply out to the outer rigs).   We would take this supply boat out to an outer rig and tie up.   This took 2-3 hours to get out there, so you had to really want to go.  We would use cut bait and fish for tuna and such at about 300'.  We  brought up some really wild fish.  This picture is of the Chevron IT Director for Africa with a typical catch.  

After doing this for a couple hours it would start getting dark.  Then we would troll around the flares.  Flares are the large outlets from rigs used to burn off unwanted gas.   Big flames would constantly burn and heat up the water around them.  This attracted a lot of fish.   Three of us would put on a fishing harness to hold our rods and also tie a rope around us to keep us in the boat.   We would then stand on the edge of the back of the boat.  We had several nationals holding on the end of the rope to keep us from falling in.  Then the boat would make a big sweep around the flare.  Everyone always got a bite and normally they were big yellow fin and other surface fish.   When they hit your lure, you would get jerked towards the ocean and the guys holding the rope would pull like they were playing tug-of-war.   It was a lot of fun.   

Then we would make the 2-3 hour trip back and normally arrive around midnight.   We gave all of the fish the nationals who kept some for themselves and cleaned the rest.   We then would have a big fish fry on the beach on Tuesday night.  Good times.  

Port O'Connor

I have only fished Port O'Connor a few times, but each trip was so memorable.  One was with my buddy Steve Roberts.  Steve and I worked together at Arthur Anderson Business Consulting and were both working in Angola.  We were seldom on the same rotation but were in constant contact since he was my "back-to-back" for awhile.   He also has a boat and house in Port O'Connor.  One rare weekend we were in Houston at the same time and decided to go down to PoC to fish.   We were home for several weeks so our wives blessed the trip.  

Steve knows the waters of PoC better than anyone I know, or did.  Steve now has three beautiful little girls with the oldest being seven, so fishing is something he did in the past vs present.  Steve and I got up and went fishing for redfish using top lures (walking the dog) in his favorite honey hole.   Our lures were blowing up everywhere.  We caught our limit in no time and had to resort to catch & release.   We caught so many reds, we actually decided to move on.    We next decided to site fish for trout.  The waters around PoC can be extremely clear, especially when you get in the bay where teh floor is rocky vs muddy.  We caught our limit on trout in no time too.  

Next goal was to go just past the surf and chum for shark.   We headed out through the cut and scattered chum and cut bait in the water.  We then put out several rods with more cut bat and waited for a shark to come along.  Instead we came across a school of bull reads that hit all of our rods.  It was a crazy moment.  We had four bent rods, which was pulling our boat backwards, and there were only two of us.   Steve put the boat in reverse and we tried to pull in all we could.  We pulled in 3 out of 4.   Bull reds are not good to eat because they are too big and fat.  They are really fun to catch though.  The picture above is one of the bull reds we pulled in.

Men of CLPC

The men's group at CLPC has annual trips every year.  These last few years they have been really adventurous trips in memory of our buddy Oran Tarlton.  Oran lost his battle with cancer in January 2011, a month before I was diagnosed.  Oran was an adventurous guy so the men of CLPC have hiked the Grand Canyon, hiked a 14k peak in Colorado, hiked Big Ben, and this year will be paddling for a week in Arkansas.   They also golf in Bastrop every October and make other trips whenever somebody steps up and organizes it.  

One year, Jimmy McGregor and I organized a fishing trip to PoC.  We used my buddy Steve's house and boat.  We had about 30-40 guys show up.  We didn't catch many fish - or some boats caught a lot and others caught none.  But, it was a great trip.   The most memorable parts of that trip for me was ML Morrow freaking out because Greg Gilmis brought a banana on his boat.   If you an experienced fisherman, then you know that banana's on a fishing boat is a big no no.   Not sure where it started, but it brings bad mojo and something you should never do.  I think ML wanted to hold some type of special blessing event to cleanse his boat so they could catch some fish.   Then they decided to put on some music from ML's iPod.  Out of nowhere, instead of music was a sermon from CLPC that ML had downloaded.  They decided that was the perfect cleansing for the boat.  So they all sat there fishing listening to the sermon again with hopes it would break the curse of the banana.  

I promised Steve that we would not fish his honey hole, where we had previously crushed it with redfish on our PoC trip.   He wanted to keep it a secret and his brother was coming down to fish it during a big tournament that weekend.  So we stayed away.  His brother fished it on Friday using lures with no hooks just to make sure it was still loaded with reds.  Once he got a ton of blow-ups he felt confident that he would win the tournament.  On Saturday, the tournament kicked off and he went straight to the honey hole.  Nothing.  Not a single blow up.  Fish were nowhere to be found.  He looked in other places but it was too late.   When he was coming in he had a conversation with the guys from Parks & Wildlife.  Turned out they had ran a drag net through the honey hole to collect fish for research and the fisheries.  Even the best of plans can go astray!  

I have many more memorable fishing experiences.  Most include fishing with my dad.  He used to use fishing trips to teach me how to cuss.  We would get in the middle of the lake and then I was allowed to say any bad word I wanted as long as I never told my mom.   That was awesome.  

 I hope to be able to take Ross fishing this spring. He really wants to go and has the fishing spirit.   One of the reasons we moved to Brownwood is because this is the perfect place for a boy to grow up.  Every guy here likes to hunt and fish and take it serious.   I hope to be able to give Ross the same memories I have of fishing with my dad.   Even if I am not able to, I am confident that Ross will grow up fishing with his buddies.  We have a small pond with gold fish in our front yard.  They spend a lot of time trying to spear the gold fish with sticks.   That is at least a start.  

Fishermen Make Great Disciples

The first disciples were fishermen.  Who knows why Christ picked them.  I think it is because good fishermen have the patience required to be a disciple of Christ.  You have to put up with a lot and success is hard to come by.  In discipleship and fishing, you can start in shallow water and then move out deeper, like Steve and I did.  However the reward is great.

Jesus Calls His First Disciples - Luke 5:1-11 

5 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,[a] the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. 2 He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

5 Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” 11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

Steve Olgesbee has given a lot of great sermons at CLPC over the years.  One of my favorite is the first sermon he ever gave at CLPC.  He referenced Luke 5 and made the point that Christ wants all of us to stop fishing in shallow waters and to go to deep water.  It is hard to do, but the prize is bigger.  I really resonated with this and it has stuck with me every since.  In my faith journey and role as a disciple, I am constantly challenging myself to go deeper.   All because of that first sermon by Steve.   Thank you Steve! 

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Cabinda, Angola

As I mentioned in earlier post, I spent most of 2002 and half of 2003 commuting from Houston to Cabinda, Angola.  I was working for BearingPoint and my client was Chevron.  I would be gone for 4-6 weeks at a time, and then home for 4-6 weeks.  Time gone from home was rough.  Time home was great.  There are lots of oil & gas guys who have made a career of working like this.   It's really not that bad. They can live anywhere they want and make a nice living giving the extra pay for working in dangerous places and as an ex-pat.  My experience was very interesting to say the least.  It played a tremendous part in my faith journey and I had no idea it would.

I met a particular guy from Nigeria when I arrived and had a very insightful conversation with him.   He asked me if I was a Christian.  I said yes.  His response was "we will see".   That really made me think.  After more conversations with him, and many nationals (locals), I learned that Africans were very confused about who Americans were.   Typically, the first American they met were missionaries.  These missionaries came to spread the word of Christ and to do great service projects for them.  The locals had a tremendous respect for the missionaries.  

Turns out Africa has more Christians than most continents.  Most of the nationals we were worked with were very public about their faith.   They brought their bibles to work, prayed before meetings, and held bible studies at a night on our compound.  Since Angola was in a civil war, we were restricted to stay within our remote compound.  Even through it was an easy drive from the airfield (yep dirt field), we still had to get to the camp via helicopter due to security.  Chevron said they had to let the Nationals bring their bibles and pray because that is their local custom and they did not want to disturb.  Something very ironic about that, given it was American missionaries that started this custom but in America, you could never get away with be that vocal about your faith in the work place.  

After missionaries, the next Americans most Africans met were oil field workers, which I was one of.   This group is normally very different than missionaries.  We brought our bad language & jokes, our love of beer, and not exactly the type of people that the nationals wanted to model.  I soon learned why the man from Nigeria was skeptical about me being a Christian.   

My normal day schedule consisted of:

- up at 5:00 AM

- eating breakfast at 5:30 AM

- in the office by 6:00 AM

- 11:30 - break for lunch till 1:00.  This allowed me to go for a five mile on a dirt road around the perimeter of the camp.  I had to stay on the dirt road due to snakes (cobra's, green momba's, and vipers) and land mines.  That was very good incentive.  This meant having to run through packed of prairie monkey's and around giant monitor lizards and other friends of Africa.  

- 1:00 - 6:00, back in the office.  Which was really a small metal room attached to a warehouse.  

- 6:00 - 7:00 - eat in the mess hall

- 7:00 - 8:00 - go for short run up and down a steep hill 

- 8:00 - 9:00 - I would do my own bible study in my room and then off to sleep

In this schedule, I spent a lot of time with the same guys at work and in the mess hall.  So when I was not working or eating, I preferred solitude by running or holed up in my room reading and studying scripture.   I would never do this at home due to the hectic lives we all live.  It really made me pay attention to all of the distractions we have in our normal lives.   Most of my time at home was spent with my family as well, which is not a distraction but a blessing.  I realized that too while being gone for so long.  

I also learned that the kids of Cabinda, whom I rarely saw since we were confined to the compound, were using bibles to learn English.  The problem was they only had King James versions.   I was able to hook up with a national that worked in the shipping & receiving area and found way to ship them NIV bibles. Our church in Clear Lake provided me a enough money to buy and ship a couple of hundred NIV bibles to them.   They really appreciated them.   It was like a two for one: Bibles and English books.  

When I left Angola, they through a nice party for me.  They also left me with a very nice gift - an African photo journal that they all signed like a year book.  That gift still means a lot to me.   My Nigerian friend came up to me that last night and said he was proud of me.  He said he watched me closely and it took a year, but he finally agreed that I was a Christian.  Big lesson learned there is that there is no such thing as a Sunday only Christian.  Once you make that statement, you better live up to it or else you will join one of the many Christian hypocrites who say one thing and then behave totally differently.  Unfortunately there are plenty of those to go around.  Given that none of us are perfect, there always will be.  

On a side note, we also had a ton of bats all over the camp.   They were mostly fruit bats that lived in trees and went out at dusk and dawn.  I hated those bats.   They were stinky, would spray you, and just looked nasty.  A fruit bat looks like a hairy yellow rat with wings.   Why people are fascinated to watch bats come and go from bridges in Austin is beyond me.   They do good in eating mosquito's but do not ask me to watch bats fly.   Angola made me hate them.  

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Cancer Update - Time to try something else

Nancy and I met with Dr Garrett yesterday for my regular weekly update and blood work check.   All of blood work looked good, except CEA levels were creeping upwards again, but still low.  This just means I may have some new tumor growth but it is pretty slow growing.  

I have been taking Stirvarga pills every morning and the side effects have been pretty harsh on me.   I have been very very tired, which is normal side effect.  My mouth also is very sore with my tongue feeling like it is burned and a very sore throat, and losing my voice.  This has led to me not eating as much as I should so I have lost 10-15 lbs over the last 3-4 weeks.  The worst side effect was some excessive bleeding.   I am now taking a 10 day break from the pills to see if I can recover strength, gain some weight, and make sure the bleeding stops.  

We will meet with the Dr again on March 5 to decided on next option.   It will most likely be some type of infusion chemo.  This is where I get hooked up via my port and spend about 5-6 hours in the hospital at an infusion room.  Then I take a portable IV pump with me and get a continuous infusion for 48 hours.  Then back to MDA to get disconnected.  I am normally pretty sick and feel yucky for 3-5 days, and then recover pretty good.  This process would be repeated every other week.

If it is experimental chemo, then I have to be at MDA to receive it.  This will require me spending 3-4 days in Houston every other week.   If it is a standard chemo, then I may be able to go to Scotland-White in Temple for the procedures and be able to spend nights in Brownwood.   While the Temple option is preferred, I need to go with the option that will have the best result in containing the cancer.  

I have no regrets in moving to Brownwood and so glad we did this.   This is definitely the best place for Nancy to raise Ross.   The pace is very relaxing, the cost is exceptionally lower than anywhere else, we have strong network of friends & family here (and it's growing daily), and there is no better place for a little boy to grow up.   

Being on chemo the rest of my life will clearly require further personal sacrifice that includes a lot of discomfort and inconvenience.  This is not an ideal situation, but it is what you have to do in a cancer battle.  The other option is stopping all treatments, which is not an option for me as long as options are available.   The good news is that I can personally persevere and put up with any pain, discomfort, and inconvenience that is thrown at me.   I can do this because it will give me a little longer to watch Ross play sports, see Sarah more often, and spend another night with my wife.  I will rely on my God, my family, and my friends (my cloud of witnesses and happy few).  I will continue to run with perseverance and endurance.  I will keep my eyes on Jesus and will not grow a weary and lose heart.  That is not an option.    

Hebrews 12:1-3 (my personal guiding verse)

1  Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also alay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us brun with cendurance the race that is set before us,

2  1fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him bendured the cross, cdespising the shame, and has dsat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3  For aconsider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

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Speaking of Bucket Lists....

Friday, Feb 24, 2011:  I am at MDA for my normal weekly blood test.  I am also having some issues that I am keen to talk to the Dr about.  No telling how this day will turn out....

Speaking of bucket list.  In 2003 I was working as a consultant at Chevron in Cabinda, Angola in southern wester Africa.   I worked a 28/28 schedule which means 80 hours a week in Africa for 28 straight days, and then 28 days off back home.  I had to work a particular long rotation once that left me in Africa for six weeks.   The good news is that I also got six weeks off at home.

I decided on the long flight back from Africa that we should take a nice camping trip.  It came about very fast like all of our trips. We are pretty spur of the moment travelers.  When we landed, I went and bought a new suburban and we had just bought a old used pop-up camper (The Leaky Tiki).  Our quick decision was to spend the month of June camping in Colorado, Yellowstone & Grand Tetons, and then the Black Hills of South Dakota.   It was Nancy and I, Sarah, and a classmates of Sarah's named Shea.  It was a great trip!

When we were at Yellowstone, I really wanted to go fly fishing.  Really bad.  It was perfect conditions and perfect time of year.  I just could never pull it off because the girls had other plans and we only had one vehicle.  So I sacrificed fly fishing for the family, but I wasn't real happy about it.

Driving home after 3-4 weeks on the road, Nancy was driving and I was reading a Men's Journal magazine.  We were in the middle of nowhere Kansas.  The article I was reading listed the top ten bucket list items that every man should do before he dies.  Fly fishing in Yellowstone during the month of June along the million mile (million trout in one mile stretch, which happens only one week in June) was near the top of the list.  I read that and started to throw a fit by reading it to Nancy over and over.   About this time we were rolling into a one light town that had a co-op grain elevator, gas station, and a church.  The church had a sign in front of it that read "A good man is as patient with his family as he is fishing".   I threw the magazine away and never complained about not fly fishing again.  

I really do think God speaks to us in a variety of ways, even through those silly church signs.

What Happened to that Bucket List???

What I didn't talk about too much in those first too long posts is my current cancer situation.   I have been fighting Stage 4 colon cancer since February 18, 2011.   After three years, it is pretty obvious that none of today's medicines will kill and rid me of cancer.  I am on two forms of chemo for the rest of my life, how ever long or short that is.  The goal of this chemo is to "contain" my current cancer and extend my life another 2-6 years.  

This past week, I have been asked a lot about how I am spending my time. The quick answer is still trying to keep a norma weekly schedule with work and family.  As usual, the people that ask had no idea somebody else just asked me that, or that I actually spoke about a little at church few weeks back.   That video link is here --> Josh Strasner Testimony About Time - Pt 2 Time   Its a great sermon to listen to.  I start talking about 17:00 minutes into it.   Select Part 2 - Time.  This is only audio.

The most common questions I get are:  Why are you still working?   Have you pulled out your bucket lists?   Is there anything I would change about how I have spent my time?

The work question is easy.  I really like my work and still able to be of value (I hope).  I like the people I work for and with.  I also still need to provide for my family as long as possible.  I also believe it is important for my family to see a working father, especially Ross.  He actually gets scared and worried when I am holed up in bed throwing up or in obvious pain.  That is not a healthy environment for a son to see his father in.   Seeing a father at work, that is actually healthy, as long as I am making time for baseball, lego's, and family game night.    

The topic of my bucket list is what really caught me off guard at first.  I am no different than most people in that throughout the years I have talked about dreams of places I would like to go, or things I would like to do or experience, or musical instruments I would like to learn, or something like that and add that to my bucket list.   Now that I am at a point in my life when I am faced with the fact that I am mortal and will not survive this life (in fact nobody survives life), that bucket list has never entered my mind.

Instead, my time is best spent on my God, my family, and my friends.  Like I mentioned in the testimony, if it does not have to do with getting closer to God, helping others getting closer to God, or getting closer to my family - then I really have no desire to do it.  Other than work, I have to work and enjoy that. 

I do find myself reflecting a lot, and that is what prompted me to start using this blog to document some of those reflections.   The reality is that I could come up with an endless list of bucket list items - but I have had an unbelievable life.  I have seen more places and experienced more things and met more people than I ever dreamed of doing.   I would much rather focus my current time with my family and creating a bucket list of things I have done vs things I have not.  

The last question is easy, I have no regrets.  I wish I would not have had to travel so much and been away from home so much.  Those experiences took me away from my family, they also shaped me to who I am.  

My Faith Journey in One Post

For my second post, I thought I would share my faith journey in one post as another context setting post.   Ok, I mean it this time, this will be my last really long post - maybe.   This time I will start with today.   

Today

Today I have fully dedicated my life to Jesus Christ and cannot express the importance of God in my life.  This includes all aspects of "organized religion" including having Christian friends (and non-Christian friends), having a church home where I can worship weekly, seeking opportunities to serve, seeking opportunities to make more disciples of Christ, and being connected as many different ways as possible.  Yep, I am a full fledged Jesus Freak.   But, this certainly has not always been the case and was not a knee jerk reaction to having terminal cancer.   I also never had "that moment" where I was saved at a specific time.   I think I am a good example of a reluctant Christian who has kind of fought God all along the way, but I am so thankful He has patience for people like me.  

My Childhood and Teenage Years

I don't recall going to church in California, or in my first year at San Angelo or Eola.   I think we went somewhere for Christmas or Easter, but I don't have any memories.  

When we settled in San Angelo for good, we became members of St. Lukes Methodist Church in San Angelo.   My mom, and I think my sisters, were great about going.  My dad, not so much.   I stuck with my dad whenever possible.   It's not that I did not believe in God, I just didn't want to go to church.   It was boring and I would rather sleep, hunt, fish, or fix the toilet (which was and is a serious job in San Angelo).  We went when we had to (special events, Christmas, Easter, etc.. or when my mom just absolutely made me).   I did not participate in the youth events, although again I think my sisters did.  

I did participant in the mandatory stuff, such as going through confirmation in the 8th grade.  I also remember having to attend a sex education class that was pretty funny because it was about two years too late from a knowledge perspective, but I guess it was good I heard the official information.  And the films were exciting. 

I found it funny that my dad hated church and seldom went, unless Mom forced him to, which was often.   He did, however, agree to work at the church.   He spent a lot of time managing their finances and serving in a variety of different roles.  I think in his mind, that was his contribution to God.   I am not sure, but pretty certain giving money wasn't an issue either.   Although he never spoke of the importance of tithing. 

Other than that, I really didn't put any effort into my faith.  I am not sure I ever read the Bible and certainly did not pray.    I am very happy to say that our daughter Sarah has had an entirely different experience in her youth and I so glad for that.

Newlyweds

When Nancy first got married, we lived in Round Rock, worked a lot, knew nobody, and were beyond broke.  We joke, but not joking, we could not afford to put hamburger in hamburger helper.   I was paying for college and we were just barely surviving check to check.   We decided to start looking for a church since that is what married people are suppose to do.  We were married in June and started a search for a church home in the September-October time frame.   We know now that is NOT the time to look for a church.  It is the time that all churches launch building campaigns and seek financial commitments for the next year.   I now know that this is a very important part of a Christian life from the scripture and for practical purposes of church operations.  I did not know or realize this when I was in my early 20's.  

Every church we attended had that special sermon talking about the budget, upcoming needs (new parking lot, new building, more of this and that).  They were seeking a financial commitment from everyone, except visitors like us.  However, Nancy and I walked away with the same impression - we can't afford to go to church.   So our search for a church home ended due to looking during stewardship campaigns. 

After a couple of years, we decided to try it again.  This time we discovered a small church start up that was meeting in a school cafeteria.   We really connected with the people there.  I think it was because we finally found a church that had less money than we did.  We attended this church for a little awhile and then were soon transferred to Dallas.   While we attended this church, we were pretty quiet about our lives and never really took church home with us.  

The Colony - Trinity Presbyterian Church

We moved to Dallas and took another break from regular church attendance.  I did start attending a local lunch with several EDS colleagues called a "power lunch".  In honesty, we went because the $5 plate of bbq was a pretty good deal and the bbq was pretty good.   This lunch was sponsored by a very large church in Plano and featured Zig Ziglar as the weekly lunch speaker.  I really enjoyed his weekly talk.   This was probably where my Christian seeds that were planted in my youth started taking on water and growing a little. 

Nancy started managing a Bealls department store in The Colony, and we eventually bought a house in The Colony.  Seriously, Nancy bought it while I was out of town - but that is another story.  We then started attending Trinity Presbyterian Church in the Colony.   Nancy grew up in a Presbyterian church and her Scottish Presbyterian pasture married us in Brownwood, so I considered myself a Presbyterian.  I seriously could not tell you the difference in any denomination back then.  I thought they were all the same - believe in Jesus and God and that is it. 

Our faith really started taking off at TPC.  We became regular attendees and members.  We developed some very close relationships and became actively involved in the church.   One of the events we did was we split a concession stand at Ranger Games at the old Arlington Ballpark.  It was good money.  We kept a good portion of the proceeds and raised money for our mission trips.  It was not easy.  We had to be their early to set up, work the entire game, and stay late to clean up and close.  It was also a very long drive to/from The Colony and Arlington.  So yes, I sold beer for Christ while at baseball games. 

Answered Prayer - Sarah Jane

What we seldom spoke of was our inability to conceive a child.  We had gotten pregnant several times but always had a miscarriage.  We even miscarried twins, which was emotionally devastating.   We told everyone about the first pregnancy and the word traveled quickly, because we had been trying for so long.  Then we discovered that news of a miscarriage does not travel very quickly.  People constantly were asking about the baby to be, but was not there.  We also discovered how cruel some people can be in not really know our story.  Nancy especially hated going to work on Mothers Day.  It was a cruel reminder that we did not have any kids.  Then people would actually yell at her and call her selfish for not having kids.  I still get mad thinking about that.  It certainly taught me to never judge others, because you never know what they are going through. 

We went through an exhaustive and expensive process with the top infertility doctor in Dallas.  This cost us a lot of money since very little of it was covered by insurance.   I would have to give Nancy pergonal shots every day a week out of the month.  She would have to get a sonogram every morning.  Then we went through invitrofertilization  and several other procedures.  This was not any fun, drained our bank account, and did not result in any successful pregnancy.   

At this point, we were broke again and could not afford any more infertility doctors.  So, we looked into adoption.  This led us down a variety of decisions that had to be made with adoption - new born or older child?  open or close?  US or foreign?  Perfect child or child with issues?  Then we realized we also had to wait and save up a lot more money before we could even afford adoption.  

Through TPC, we had done some work with the kids at The Presbyterian Childrens Home, where my elementary school buddy Scott Waller works at today.   Nancy and I talked a lot about this and decided that we were wanting to talk to somebody about adopting an older child from PCH.   One Sunday, we talked to our pastor Dave at TPC before service and we would like to talk to him after service about adoption at PCH.  He said you guys don't need to do that, you need to pray.   I explained we had been praying for ten years and had no luck.  He really called me out and said that was a bunch of bull.  That if we had really been praying, we would have said something to him and asked for prayers at Church.  We were pretty private about our situation and had not asked anybody to pray about it.   He was right.   

That Sunday, he did something unusual.  He kicked off the service with a special prayer request for Nancy and I.   We were embarrassed, but appreciative.  Then all types of people started praying for us.  Then a few weeks later, yep a few weeks.  Dave and I were coming back from working a Rangers game and got home really late, like around 2 or 3 in the morning.   Nancy was up and sitting on the couch and said she was pregnant.  I couldn't believe it.  I couldn't even remember how it could have happened (and wondered if the kid was going to look like the pool boy - but we didn't have a pool boy).   We told Dave the next day on Sunday and he just jumped with joy.  We said "but don't tell anybody because we had gotten pregnant before, but could not carry the baby to term, even after getting a heartbeat and seeing our child move around in a sonogram (another reason we are pro-life, but that is another topic).  

He told us were were nuts.  That we needed to tell everyone.  We needed to keep asking for prayer, but now ask that the child makes it full term.  So we did, and he did it again during service.  We once again had even more people praying for us.   Nancy went on to have a very rough pregnancy.   Every test she took, she failed and required further testing.  Then on January 19, 1995 we were blessed with the perfect baby named Sarah Jane Strasner.  She is still a miracle child to us and we so thankful God blessed us with Sarah.

God had us in his grasp, and then we ran away.

New House, New Jobs, Where's the Church??

Right after the birth of Sarah, Nancy and I went through a few more big moments in our lives.   We sold our house in the Colony (purchased for $65k and sold for $95k - good job Nancywa!).  Built a new house in Frisco, Tx, which is just a few miles up the road.  In 1998, Nancy and I both quit our jobs.   She had been at Bealls for about 12-13 years and I had been at EDS about the same amount of time.  She became a technical recruiter and I went to work for a silicon valley based software company.   Our life was pretty good - new baby, new house, making a lot more money, and Nancy didn't have to work nights and weekends.   I started traveling extensively all over the US, entertaining clients in NYC and San Francisco and everywhere in between.  I also started playing hard with a group of guys I worked with.   They were good guys who were also working hard, and we played hard to blow off the stress and pressure that came with work.   We golfed a lot, hit the sports bars a lot, went to a lot of Mavericks games, Ranger games, and Stars games - whatever was in season.  

We seem to be doing everything except going to church.   TPC was just five miles down the road, but we started looking for a new church with no luck.   So just when God had us, we let him go.   It wasn't intentional, we just let the distractions of the world slowly drag us out of his grasp.  I then met a guy named Robert Vaio who had a huge influence on my life.   He brought God back into my life because God was such a critical part of Roberts life. 

All In With God

Then randomly, out of the blue, I received a call from our local Presbytery.  They said they were looking for a small group to become part of a new church development team and start a new Presbyterian church in Frisco.  They had a pastor, Phillip Lotspeich, and few other couples already.  So Nancy and I stepped right in with both feet and started meeting with this small group in an apartment.   This was a tremendous amount of work, but we really got into it.   

We went from 5-10 people meeting in an apartment (Phillip's) to finding a place to worship.  We found a school cafeteria that would let us worship there on Sundays.   We used our NCD funds to buy everything we needed for worship and stored it in a trailer.   Every Sunday, we would get up early, set up the cafeteria, hold Sunday school, then worship, and then pack up and clean up.  

Those first services it was just us, the same 5-10 people.   We then started actively engaging with all our neighbors seeking more people who would come to our worship.   I'll be honest, finding people to help with set up and clean up was a big motivation.   There were several big and famous churches in our areas - Zig Ziggler was teaching Sunday school down the road,  Charles Swindoll was preaching less than a mile a way.   However, after two years of hard work, we finally chartered an official church with about 200 members.   That work was hard but very rewarding.  God was definitely a part of our lives.   We met several people that are still a part of our lives.  We named the church Faithbridge Presbyterian Church - I still like that name. 

Houston and Clear Lake Presbyterian Church

In 2001, my buddy Robert Vaio talked me into going to work for him and picking up my family and moving to Houston.  We packed up and moved to the Clear Lake area (or the Bay Area) of Houston.  We didn't spend a lot of time looking for a new church and pretty much went straight to Clear Lake Presbyterian Church.  After spending last two years in a new church and setting up in cafeterias, we were pretty happy to join a large church with a real sanctuary, and a large enough congregation we could just hide for a little while.  The associate pastor, Craig Goodwin, met time with us and understood our desire to hide out.   He did recommend we attend a Saturday Night Alive group led by Jimmy McGregor.  This turned out to be a great move.  This was a small group that met before worship and discussed the previous weeks sermon.   We quickly became close friends with everyone in that group - Mike & Jenny, Doug & Denise, Larry & Lylus, Jimmy & Marilu, Tom & Paige, Mike & Susan, and others who came in.  This group became so close that we met before worship, we worshiped together, and then went to dinner together.   We also started riding bikes together (nice road bikes on very long trips - in fact, riding 200 miles a week wasn't unusual).  We also fished, golfed, and just really enjoyed each other - and do today.   This has really amazed me.   It is really fascinating to me that people can spend so much time together, every week, for years, and yet never get tired of one another and our relationship just grew closer.   That is what happens when God is the common denominator. 

What is really funny about our first year at CLPC, is that we attended one worship service in the sanctuary and they discovered mold.  We spent the next year setting up chairs in fellowship hall!  It was great, seriously.   

While at CLPC, Nancy became very active in active in attending the Thursday women's bible study,  Sarah became very active in the youth group, Ross in his group, and I was active with men's group.  Nancy and I also joined a small group that met every week.   So we worshiped as a family, met as a couple, and everyone in the family had their own group to grow closer with God with.   We learned that committing your life to Christ is so much more than attending church for an hour once a week, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

We also became involved, after taking a break, with church leadership and operations.   I became an elder and was on session for three years, I was on the nominating committee for three years, and we all just continued to find ways to serve.  It was hard work, like the new church development, but also very rewarding.  

When we experienced great blessings, like the birth of Ross, we had a big group to celebrate that with.  This same group adopted Ross like their own.  Then when we had big crisis hit, we also had a large group to be there for us.  

Today

We recently moved to Brownwood and Nancy & Ross attend their bible studies on Wednesday at the big local Baptist church.   As a family, we have started worshiping on Sunday morning at First United Methodist Church.  The Methodist church has traditional service and a big nice sanctuary, but we like the new contemporary service set up in their fellowship hall.  We now know that physical church buildings are overrated.   It also helps that the associate pastor that leads this new service, Scotty Crawford, is our neighbor and reminds me very much of Craig Goodwin.   I need to connect those two.  

So there it is, my faith journey in one post.  I have so much more to say, but will save that for later and shorter posts.

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My Life in One Post

I thought the first post should just be my life in a nutshell.  Then the rest of the posts will come from all parts of this great journey called life.   Forest Gump's mom got it right, life really is like a box of chocolates in that you never know what you get.   That is certainly the story of my wonderful life.

1964 - 1966  Salina, Kansas
I was born on August 2, 1964 on Shilling AFB in Salina, KS.  This air force base no longer exists, but it was home to big bombers of the Strategic Air Command, of which my dad was a part of and pilot in.   Today, a few of my closest friends are friends because our parents were in the Air Force together.   The Stone Family, including Harold (named after my dad) and Berry, were also born in Salina.  So were the McEnrues of San Angelo and my friend Mike and his sister Carolyn.  I haven't seen Mike in a long time but still close friends with Stones.  We always brag that we have been friends since before we born, which is really true.   My older sister Valerie was also born in Salina.

Here is another little known fact.  My real name is Harold Walker Strasner II and Josh is only a nickname.   I have always gone by Josh.  I don't ever recall anybody who knows me calling me Harold.   So where did Josh come from?    Wanted Dead or Alive was a TV series starring Steve McQueen from 1958 - 1961.  Steve McQueens character was Josh Randall, a bounty hunter who had a sawed off shot gun.  I am pretty certain my dad had a man crush on Steve McQueen and apparently I liked to turn everything into a gun.  So he called me his little Josh Randall, or Josh.   I was fortunate to spend the last four days of my dad's life next to his bedside.   One of his last full sentences he said to me was "you can legally change your name....".    Strange famous last words, but that was my dad.

1967 - 1969  Riverside, California

My dad was transferred to March Air Force Base in Riverside, CA .  My little sister, Nancy Kay, was born there (at least I think she was, may want to fact check that.   We may have made a stop in Sacramento too, but it was for long if we did.).   We moved to a house located at 6375 West View Driver, Riverside, Ca.   Funny I have never forgot that address.  I guess it is because it rhymes.   I attended kindergarten at Castle View Elementary.   This is also when I met two people who became my best friends in California - Cyndi Harrelson and Micheal Traburn.   I found Cyndi on Facebook and have been able to reconnect with her, and that has been great.   I have not spoken to Mike since 1981 when he was somewhere in Michigan going to high school.

1970 - San Angelo, Texas

Dad was sent to Korea, which was the Strategic Air Command for the little fiasco occurring in Southeast Asia.   He was gone for over a year, so we rented a house in San Angelo, Texas so we could be close to my mom's family.   My mom grew up in Eola, Texas.  Eola is a very small farm community just outside of San Angelo.   We had plenty of family around.   Our house was located on Rice Avn in San Angelo and I attended first grade at Travis Elementary school.   This is where I met a lot of friends that I would end up growing with, but didn't know it at that time.   My dad returned to March AFB so we packed up and moved back to our home in Riverside.

My alley neighbor was Scott Smith.  The Smiths became very close to our family, and remain very close today.   Scott and I were the best of friends during my elementary school years.   More on Scott later, but we went many years without seeing each other.  I finally got to see him and spend time with him before he died of AIDS.  My next door neighbor on Rice was also a close friend was Joey Johnson.   Joey and I were very close that year.   More on Joey later, but he died tragically in a car wreck with a few other class mates during my Sr Year.   He was actually driving back to San Angelo from Brownwood after a football game, I think.

1971 - 1974 - Riverside, CA

We returned to our same house on West View Dr and I proceeded to attend 2nd and 3rd grade at Castle View (or was it Castle Hills??).   Mike and Cyndi were still there and we had a lot of good memories.   I also have a lot of strange memories, especially of the motorcycle gangs.   We were close to the home of the Hells Angels and there were many other motorcycle gangs.  I was most intrigued by a club that was all African-Americans.   They had HUGE afros and the coolest looking choppers.  Very long front ends and painted in some pretty bright and wild colors.  They were awesome.   We would see them on the freeway and they would just surround you when we were going down the road.  Funny the things we remember.   More on So Cal later.

1974 - 1975 - Eola, Tx

My dad retired from the Air Force after a very long and successful career in 1974.   He retired as a Lt Col and had spent 28 years flying, which was his dream.  More on that later too.   They decided to settle back in Texas, although my dad was the from the Oklahoma panhandle.   We all moved in with my grandparents in Eola, Texas while my parent started looking for a place to live.   I remember they made a trip down to Victoria, Texas because it was close to the gulf of Mexico and my parents loved the water.   It didn't take long to figure out that the land near the water in Texas was a little different than the land near the water in California.  I also remember looking a huge house in Mason, Tx that had huge columns.   They liked Mason but I think my dad struggled with what he would do for a living there.   I attended the 4th grade in the same old Eola school house that my mom had attended.   In Riverside, we and multiple classrooms for my age group with about 15-20 kids in each room.  In Eola, there were about 6 of us in the 4th grade and we shared the same room with 3rd - 5th graders.  I  was the only kid in sandals and got a whipping with a big wooden paddle by an 80 year old teacher on my first day.   I think for laughing.   I also got beat up right after school by a big hispanic kid.

My grandparents owned a cafe.   I don't even know if it had a name.  Everyone just called it The Cafe.   It was a great place for breakfast and a burger for lunch.   At night, it was the place all of the farmers gathered for a Bud and a game of pool.   This is also where I was shooting pool and that big hispanic kid walked in.   I hit him with my pool cue.   My first bar fight.   We became good friends after that.

1975 - 1982 - San Angelo, Texas (Los Lomas)

My parents bought us a house at 103 Camino Real, San Angelo, Tx in 1974/1975.   This is the place I officially call home and my mom still owns this home.   I went back to school to Travis Elementary and reconnected with my buddies from the first grade, especially guys like Scott Waller, who I still stay in contact with.   Scott Smith and Joey Johnson were still there as well.   However, we lived a pretty good ways outside the city.   It was a magical kind of place for a kid.   We lived in a normal neighborhood that had 15 houses.  Those 15 houses shared a private park on Lake Nasworthy that was about 17 acres.   It was awesome.

This is also were I met a new group of friends that would have a huge impact on my life.  The Harwells lived there and Kevin & Cherisa were close to my age.   The Perrines lived right down the road and Larry & I became the best of friends.  His older brother David was always right there.   Then the Detlofs moved into the neighborhood after living in South America for many years.   They had a lot of kids, but Dana was my age as well, so she joined our group.   We had a lot of fun through Jr High.   In High School, the group was mixed up with the Detlofs moving and the Kothman's moving in.   Jim Bell was now part of the group and that was fun.  The Ballingers were up the road and the Dicks were down the road.  Very happy to reconnect with Lori Dick on Facebook.   There were many others in our group, such as Brian Woods, Ruth Menuod, and Nita Rollins.  I love these people like family and thankful to Facebook for finding them.  I need to reconnect and spend more time with this group.   They are really special to me.

While I went to school with a lot of people in San Angelo, since I lived out in the country, I never really was super tight with anybody outside of Las Lomas.  However, I had good friends I grew up with - like Ronnie Staubaugh, Whitney Gillis, Scott Waller, Terry Adams, and many others.  I mention these people because while we didn't hang out a lot growing up, those people are very special and a big part of my life today.  It is funny how seeds planted a long time ago sometimes don't really grow until the environment is right - that is true in relationships with friends, family, and God.  More on that later too....

1982 - Big Year

In 1982, I was a Sr in high school but only taking one class and then a work placement program, along with my buddy Scott Waller and Nita Rollins.   After that class, we all went to work somewhere.   I went to Bowman Lumber Company, which was managed by my neighbor Mr Woods and my buddy Brian Woods worked there as well.  I met a whole new group of friends through Bowmans and had no idea the impact these friends would have on my life.  Our cashier was Julianne Lindsey, who was from Brownwood and a Jr at ASU.  Her roommate was her best friend from Brownwood, who was none other than Nancy Gill - my future wife.   Gary Johnson and I became very close as well during this time.   Then we met Bill Bethel, who was friends with Julianne and worked at the nursery next store.   His roommate was Nick Moosher who was in the gang.   Then it turns out that Gary Johnson and Bill & Nick were really apartment neighbors but had never met.  It was strange.

In my high school life, things kind of turned tragic.  We had an unusual amount of deaths in my Sr Class.  This include the death of my 1st grade neighbor Joey Johnson in a car wreck, with few other classmates, returning to San Angelo from Brownwood after a football game.   My best friend, Larry Perrine, was fighting a few challenges of his own after being thrown out of high school.   One night, he and I went out for a night of shooting pool and talking about life.  He laid out his new plan to become a truck driver and thought he had it all figured out.   He dropped me off about 11:00 pm and started to drive out towards Abilene where he was working.   He ran off a very remote road and wasn't discovered until noon the next day and died in route to the hospital.  His death really hit me hard, but more on that later.

So this is the year that I made a huge transition.  Not only from "high school years" to "college years" but the people I met in 1982 are the people impacted my life for the next 30 years.   It is also the last time I stayed in touch with a great group of people that I had grown up with.

1982 - 1985  College Years in San Angelo 

Nancy and I soon began dating sometime during 1982 and 1983.  Hard to tell when because we were such close friends before we officially started "dating".  She was in her last two years at ASU so I decided there was nothing wrong with going to school at ASU.  I had planned on attending Texas Tech, but didn't even try after meeting Nancy.   When Nancy graduated in December of 1984 she moved to Round Rock, Texas to manage a Bealls Dept Store.  I had several more years of school left and thought that Nancy and I were probably over.  I was sure she would move on and meet somebody and that I would transfer to Texas Tech.  Then I found myself driving to Round Rock a lot.  Pretty much any free evening I would drive the 3 hours just for dinner with Nancy and drive back.   One day I said this is nuts, why don't we just get married.   So we did.   I quit my job at Allwoods Lumber in San Angelo on Saturday, got married in Brownwood at her grandparents house on 4th street on Sunday, and started my new lumber job in Round Rock on Tuesday.   I think we talked about getting married in February (Valentines Day) and were married on June 2, 1985.   I had no money and we were beyond broke, but happy.

1985 - 1089  Round Rock, Tx

I transferred from ASU to Southwest Texas State University in San Marcus.   We lived in Round Rock, Texas, where Nancy worked at Bealls.  I worked full time at McCoys Lumber in Georgetown, Tx.   This was challenging.  I was a Computer Information Systems major taking 15-18 hours a semester with all of my class on Tuesday and Thursday.  I worked 40-50 hours a week in Georgetown on M-W-F-S.   When I graduated, I went to work for EDS at First City Bank in downtown Austin.  I had an office on 9th and Congress and life was pretty sweet.

Should also note that Nancy and I wanted a big family.  We were probably not only the youngest married people in the Austin area, but the only ones driving a mini-van with the expectation of kids.  The kids never came.   From the 80's to mid 90's, we spent all of our savings on infertility doctors and experienced multiple mis-carriages.   We even miscarried twins.   We then were convinced we were not meant to have children of our own and started down the adoption path.   Then came prayer and Sarah in 1995, and Ross in 2006, but more on that later.

1989 - 2001 Dallas, Tx

In 1989, I went through the EDS Systems Engineer Development program in Plano, Texas and was transferred from Austin to Plano.  We packed up and moved to North Dallas.  Nancy got a job at Bealls managing their Colony Store, and then their Allen store.   I continued to work for EDS and ended up getting an apartment in NYC and commuting out of NYC for about three years.   Sarah was born in 1995!   We started going to church full time and my faith journey started, and ended, and then started again.  Then in 1998, Nancy quit Beals and I quit EDS on the same day.  She became a technical recruiter and I went to work for a small high-tech company based in silicon valley.   Life was crazy and hectic.   My company was acquired in 1999 and I went to work for a Dallas based software company and continued to be a part of the crazy dot-com technology era.   I traveled a lot all over the US during this time.  My travels also took me to London a lot.

My faith journey really took off in the 90's.   More on that in the next post.

2001 - 2013 Houston, Tx

In 2001, my buddy Robert Vaio talked me into quitting my job in the software business and become a management consultant for Arthur Anderson Business Consulting.   They brought me in as Sr Manager and had a partner track outlined for me.  Nancy quit working all together.  They also moved us from Dallas to Houston.  I started at AABC in Sept 2001.   In November 2001, the news broke about Enron and AABC.  Our office was being investigated by the Justice Dept.   Life was interesting.   I left AABC as it was being dismantled, although they were eventually found not-guilty of anything.   I went to work for KPMG Consulting that became BearingPoint.

Ross was then born in 2006.  This was quite the shock and huge surprise since Nancy was 45 and I was 42.  Certainly not what we were thinking but what a blessing.   Work was interesting in that i started working out of Angola, Africa as well as spending large amounts of time on the West Coast and London again.

BearingPoint was suffering as a company so I left and went back to EDS.   I was Sr Sales in the Energy sector and went back to traveling the world supporting BP and Chevron.   In 2008, I had an opportunity to join a European based consulting firm called Logica and left EDS.  This was a good move.  I actually became the CEO of North America for Logica.  EDS was acquired by HP, so it was a good move.

In Feb 2009 our world was rocked when Nancy was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer.  She had triple negative, which is rare and not a good prognosis.   She went through two years of brutal treatments of chemo and surgeries.   All this while I was working hard at my new job leading North America at work.  We had amazing support from our family at Clear Lake Presbyterian Church and Nancy had her last surgery in November 2010.

In Feb 2011 we were rocked again when I was diagnosed with stage 4 Colon-Rectal cancer that had spread into multiple organs.  I continue this fight today.   In 2012, Logica was acquired by CGI - yep, I work for the Canadian consulting firm that created Healthcare.gov and run their Oil & Gas sector as a VP.  

My cancer battle was influential in our decision to move from Houston to Brownwood in Sept 2013l, which takes us to today.

Today

That is my life in a nutshell.  I didn't mention much about my faith journey but will.  I talked about some friends but have many more.  I mentioned the loss of a few close friends, but experienced  a lot more - such as my cousins death in 1982 while water skiing, my EDS colleague Mike Flores passing in a tragic boating accident along with his son and father-in-law,  losing my buddy Robert Vaio to an embolism.  All of these losses have had a dramatic impact on my life and I will talk more about those in future post.

All in all, I have had and still having a great life.  I have met fantastic people, traveled to really unique places, and have had fantastic experiences with a a fantastic family.   I have had very unique work experiences and challenges that I have overcome.   My faith journey has taken me from a Christmas-Easter Christian to a guy heavily involved in all aspects of church and a very close relationship and dependency on Jesus Christ.   I will certainly post more on what that means.

If you didn't pick up on this already, but the place I was born no longer exist, the elementary school I attended in San Angelo no longer exist, my college still exist but under a new name, every company I have worked for no longer exists due to acquisition other than my current company CGI.  I am not sure what all this mean, but stuff happens and change occurs, so deal with it.  More on that later too.

The reality, I am starting this blog for myself and my kids more than anything.  I really have no idea if I have 9 month left on Earth or 6 years - but really, who does?   I can summarize it by saying I have the worlds greatest wife, kids, family, and friends.  My life has been, and still is fantastic.   There is absolutely nothing I would do differently and realize that God really does have a bigger plan for all of us.   Thank you for reading.

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